April 06, 2010

missing her

It was hard to send my kids back to school today. If I could have granted them another week of spring break, I would have waved my magic wand and done so… one week flew by so quickly. I am really ready for summer.

We did take two family days to play… Busch Gardens one day and the beach the next. But other than that… my girl worked getting ready for Odyssey of the Mind State Competition. It happens this weekend in Orlando. She and her teammates are very motivated and dream of World Competition, and so her 50 plus hours this past week didn’t bother her too much. But I missed her.

Last night… it was just the two of us. Home… relaxing after our work days. She was in her room doing who-knows-what, and I had settled in on the couch, ready to see what Tivo had recorded. I called to her and asked if she wanted to watch the Amazing Race with me… and out she came. With her blanket and Johnny the polar bear. She has maybe watched two episodes in the past five years… but whatever was going on in her room must not have been too exciting.

I went on and on about “my” cowboys and how I wanted them to make it to the pit stop.. and she smiled and watched with me. When they made it from last place to first, I was thrilled. And although she was probably thinking Mom, get a life, she raised her hand for a high five. And I think, in that moment, she realized she was missing me too. Maybe.

This girl of mine, she is a gift. She frustrates me and amazes me… sometimes in the span of thirty minutes. And I love her. Every little bit of her.

Somehow, it is already Tuesday… and so I unwrap the wonder of a daughter. She is completely herself… with facets more brilliant that any precious gem.
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April 03, 2010

easter necessities

I love the fun of Easter.
The coloring of eggs.

The candy, hidden and the laughter that comes with discovery.

The flowers that declare spring.

But all of this... I could do without.
All of it... and it would still be Easter.
As long as there was still this...

Easter just can't be Easter without Jesus and the empty tomb.

Wishing you a glorious day!
Sunshine on your face, and the joy of Jesus in your heart.
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April 01, 2010

beautiful, the mess we are

With such fondness, and a good bit of laughter, I remember recording song after song on my tape recorder. Waiting for it to come on the radio... pressing down record-and-play-at-the-same-time as quickly as I could make my fingers move... and then barely breathing, so as not to disrupt my practically professional recording. What came next was the listening. Over and over and over again. Some things never change. When I stumble across a song that makes me fall in love, I find a way to play it over and over again. But not on that old tape recorder... that friend is long gone.
Yesterday... I heard a new Amy Grant song... and here I am... playing it over and over again. Because the words are beautiful. And her voice makes them more so. The softness and her certain lilt... and the honesty. You can click on the link to hear it...

Better than a Hallelujah
God loves a lullaby
in a Mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die,
better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries,
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah...
Better than a hallelujah sometimes.
-lyrics from Amy Grant's Better Than a Hallelujah

These words remind me... that I do not have to be perfect for God to use me. And that all He wants is me... the real me... the mess. And I am thankful all over again.
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Linking up to Hillary's Friday Favorites today...

another chapter... new orleans


There was excitement all around me and an energy that was full of anticipation as we waited for the program to begin. We had been on our feet singing and clapping and praising God... and wondering what would come next. I certainly didn't have any more expectations, the praise & worship music had already exceeded them. And then... it was like a parade entering the Super Dome, and the energy rose up another level. Banners on tall poles, and streamers and so many people. They were singing Reign on, I will not drown, I'm standing here on Higher Ground.
Higher Ground... the theme of the Gathering... and somewhat ironic in that New Orleans sits so far below sea level. But we were there to set our hearts on things above. (Colossians 3:1)
After the streamers and banners had made their way into the Dome, with much dancing and singing and celebrating, here came a pick-up truck. Old, but not quite a clunker. And there was a man riding in the back. Honestly, I didn't have a clue as to what was going on... but later realized it was all part of the drama that would continue on all week... bits and pieces of a story played out on the stage. Bits and pieces of The Story. Little did I know how much it would mean to me in the end.
The man in the truck? Jesus. Arriving to all sorts of glorious shouting; coming into the city of Jerusalem. Not in a fancy new car, but a beat-up truck... a humble mode of transportation... a modern day version of a donkey. And while there were no palms or Hosannas, there was plenty of celebration.
All week the story progressed. The disciples we know... portrayed by teens, in teen situations. Perhaps the version of what might happen today, if Jesus had been made to wait 2000 years. I was intrigued by each scene... from His arrival in glory, every step along the road to the cross, and through to the Ascension. All of a sudden, it felt personal. Real. The telling of this story in this way was something that I could understand and relate to.
And it was the Crucifixion that broke me. This Jesus... He wore an orange jumpsuit. That alone, broke my heart. And the guards... they taunted and beat him. It hurt me. Physically. To see Jesus in jail attire. To watch Him being beaten and shoved as if He were... nothing and no one... when I knew who He was. And how special.
And that white cross... that had been the centerpiece of our week, had been lowered from the heights of the stadium and was suddenly sitting on the stage. That beautiful, pristine white cross, that had been emblazoned on every bible, backpack and program, was now the tool of the Crucifixion. The cross was a frame, hollow, and until that moment, I had not realized how large it was... or that it had walls of glass on either side. And then there was Jesus... being shoved into the frame of the cross. Closed in, hands bracing... the cross returned to its place, lifted high above the crowds for all to see. The only shouts of Crucify Him! came from the stage. The rest of us... the 35,000... simply stood and watched. My own eyes were blurry from the tears, but still focused on Jesus. My heart, aching from a pain I had never known. In that moment, I think I realized for the very first time, that Jesus had died for me.
I always knew He died for us. But for me? In the midst of thousands, it felt like it was only the two of us. Me... and Jesus. And my heart heard the declaration of His love. Even if it was only you, I still would have followed through...
Being there that day, that week... it changed my faith. It changed my life. Sometimes He comes in a whisper... and sometimes in a grand parade. As for me... He came in a football stadium filled with teenagers. And my life... has thankfully never been the same.
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I'm linking this post to Jo's Flashback Friday. The memories are so vivid that I am amazed nine years have come and gone...
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