because I didn't forget...

Nope. I didn't. A promise is a promise.  More ballooons...

But the story?  Coming tomorrow.  Yes. I promise.

he dreams a dream

He dreams of flight.
He wants to be a pilot when he grows up… and grown up isn’t that far off, I realize, as I look up into his eyes. Once upon a time I would giggle with him over what he wanted to be… cowboy, police man, car designer… and dream along with him.  It hurts to be honest here, but this is not my favorite dream.  It just isn’t.  But I will not utter one word against it... because I know, and believe this: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. {Jeremiah 29:11}  It is the only place I can go when the worries get the best of me.

 

Last weekend, he flew.  He didn’t just ride… he flew the plane, with Julio’s instruction.  Out to the beach, down the coast, and back around again.  I knew that this would be the make it or break it moment… but as my own Mom said, what teenage boy wouldn’t be hooked?  Not mine.  That’s for sure.  Before his feet ever left the tarmac his grin reached wide.  And after?  Oh… well, I repeated that verse again. 

 

Two years ago, watching the story of Daphne Sheldrick’s amazing dream on the big screen, my eyes rained down tears.  The reality hit me, there in the theater, larger than life.  How dare I even begin to dream for them?  To do so would only hold them back from what they are meant to do, who they are to become.  Because what if I dream too small?  The corners of my mouth turn up and I remember that yellow printing on a dark green Bearstone box... Mom, how far can I dream?  I don't have that answer... but I know that whatever they dream it will be beautiful, because it is their own, and that only God can take them there.

a laughing place

The weekend was crazy, which is not that unusual.  But it was crazy good, which made it okay.  And these people made me laugh, which was perfect.  It made the running here and there and everywhere all worth it. I wish we could have stayed there on the beach and celebrated longer... but there were glasses to pick up...

You can only expect your husband to superglue his glasses together for so long... and really, he glued them together five months longer than I expected.  And he'd probably still be gluing the temples on if one hadn't fallen out of his grasp and into the storm drain!  This falls into the most-used category of our life- you have to laugh.  {Did I ever tell you about the other time glasses went down the drain?  Itty bitty pink prescription sunglasses, only a week old... right down the toilet.  My fault... and it was days before I could really laugh about it!}

Laughter... it is always a gift I am thankful for.

-my favorite hymn in church sunday {as the deer}
-time with friends, celebrating a bithday
-getting some things checked off the list!
-finishing up a few last things for disney {not packing... still ON the list!}
-finishing up t-shirts & water bottles for the national youth gathering
-hearing happy in my daughter's voice
-my son, showing up at my office just to say hi
-not having to pack lunch today
-celebrating 5 years at a job i didn't think i wanted
-how he cares for me, even when i am unaware {or asleep!} thank you for rubbing my back, i'm sorry if i kept you up with my coughing!
-finding my favorite earring
-a brave sister, who was willing to take on cub camp this year {170 boys?!  EEK!}
-conversations with a nice young man
-love, love, love...

life lately... {and hawaiian shirt thursday}

We've been busy... and not.
It seems like summer has barely begun, and is already racing away.
So what to do, but wrap up one more school year and make time for fun and dreams and dreaming.   And this boy?  The Florida native who loves looking like a tourist?  And just says I'm going to the mall and drives himself? 

Is now a high school junior.
In total disbelief I asked him can you believe you are half-way through high school?!  He looked at me with that look and said yes. I don't think about his perspective... the daily grind of sleepy mornings, homework and testing, and feeling every single day like high school may never end.  If I do take the moment to think about it, I remember it well, and with a smile, I nod.  Well, yes, I guess you can believe it. 

less one, but blessed, oh blessed...

We are settling into life as three instead of four {four instead of five, if you count the cat, which I never do, but the kids never fail to!}  The milk is lasting longer and there is less shuffling of cars in the drive.  I notice that Cam has taken to her piano-room-spot-in-the-sun... and I wonder if he has been waiting all this time.  Few texts fly from north to south, and phone calls are rare.  No news is good news, I keep saying.  But all in all, from what we can tell, she is happy and thriving.  And we are thankful. 

Counting blessings on this Monday...

-a rainy afternoon, a cuppa tea and a quiet hour

-the school days winding down... two half-days left!

-actually having a conversation of substance with our girl

-being able to tell that she has found her niche

-celebrating a birthday... and reminding her that we are still three cords

-running into a friend in the aisles... catching up & laughing for a while

-the reply to a good morning text

-a dense clouded day breaking way to blue
-the perfect beach day
-watching a group of goofy boys {big & small} as they celebrated one i love

-paddling away into the ocean with a friend
-the peace we found
-getting things in order for the youth gathering... finally
-and getting excited for disney
-just leaning into him
-laughing with cam
-getting carried away
-a delicious lunch
-a boy's gift of song in church
-sunday night on the couch

a short green adventure...

We had planned to head for home first thing... unless our girl needed us.  But a glitch with the car had us waiting for the all ready call from a nearby garage.  I suggested two nearby parks, and he gave me that looks that says not thrilled, this doesn't meet with what I had in mind.  I felt like I was still convincing him when I pointed to the trail marker that said only 0.6 miles.  The morning was clear and bright, and the trail was vivid green... and truly, I think he would have done anything to make me smile, warding off any chance of possible tears.

 

We skipped the loop in favor of the stairs, zig-zagging down into the limestone sinkhole.  The green pulled at me... so lush and wild, hundreds of shades and shapes.  The spiraling steps captured my eye, natural and out of place, all at once.  Streams trickled down through the stones, around fern and moss... and music of the earth sang to my heart.  Life, all around us. 

It was maybe an hour... both of us content with the time we spent.  Together, breathing in creation.  Then the call came, and we were heading home.  I tried to impress Camden by telling him that we went down into a sinkhole, but he turned it right around when his face lit up and said Oh! Devil's Millhopper?  He never ceases to amaze me...

scenes from memorial day

It was a beautiful weekend. 
Sunshine, breezy days, remembering, and living.

This was the year we were finally able to attend the special Memorial Day service at our old church... and I hope that it will become a tradition for us.  The click of soldiers heels as they crossed the marble floor bearing colors, wreaths presented and smart salutes weigh heavy on a heart, but the sweet strains of patriotic songs lifted us in celebration of our beautiful nation.  And I am forever proud to see my husband stand tall as the U.S. Coast Guard verse is played...

The boy scouts helped out at the cemetery Saturday... making sure each soldier's marker was celebrated with red, white and blue.  Camden was honored to help.  We drove down later to see the flags flying in the golden sunlight... and in the quiet of the evening, we were reminded that freedom is never free.  Seeing our flag fly in the breeze moves me... seeing hundreds brought me to tears.

I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives.
I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.

-Abraham Lincoln

friday letters...

Dear Weekend,
A three day weekend plus my Friday off equals FOUR!  Thank you.  Four days to breathe.  And play. And remember.  Tomorrow Cam will head to the cemetery for a clean up and to place flags for the veterans... and we'll go to the ceremony Monday.  We also plan to relax with friends... and I am hoping that maybe I'll fit in another kayak adventure with my Mom!

Dear Mom,
I have loved seeing your art on facebook!  It surprises me everytime your name pops up!  I am so thankful and overjoyed that you have found such a wonderful niche at the zoo... and that they appreciate you so!  I keet meaning to tell you... when I mention to Tim that you were my mom, he said YOUR MOM IS AWESOME!  Yep, he did.  And yep. You are... I love you!

Dear Spring Football Game,
Hooray for the win! 
But also, hooray for making me remember how much I miss marching season.  I loved seeing the kids in their spirit wear, playing and dancing their hearts out. 

Dear Sweet Senior Bass Drummer,
Thank you... for this:

From behind me I heard Hi Mom and without turning around I replied Hi Cam... but then I turned and saw him with that big drum.  My smile?  A mile wide!  And so was his.  Thank you, for passing your drum along to him and taking his cymbals and giving him a chance to play back to the band room...

Dear Friends,
Is your prayer list long?  I am amazed at how mine keeps growing and growing.  But I just keep on... because it is the only thing I know.  I wish you a peaceful, full weekend... and some answered prayers.

xoxo

when you dream...

We saw the email come through just after we said goodnight to Laura.  With a deep breath and a prayer, we opened and scrolled for the results... seeking his name.  Hoping, hoping.  The breath whooshed out of both of us at once, and we picked up the phone to call home...
: :
It seems that as soon as you have more than one child in school, the choices begin... because you are inevitably needed in two places at once.  Sometimes it can be solved with Mom going one way and Dad the other... but mostly you still ache to be in the other place. 

There was no compromise available last week, our plan to move Laura to Gainesville was set in stone before we knew dates for drumline auditions.  I would have liked to be there for Cam... offering encouraging words as he went to the audition, chatting about how it went afterwards.  I would have liked to hold his hands in mine while I prayed that this would be the right time... and I really would have liked to see his face when he whooped a YES! at the news that he was finally going to get to play the bass drum.  It is his dream-come-true. 

From the very first time he saw a drumline performance he knew that he wanted to be a part of it.  He worked so hard in his sixth grade year and earned a spot in the percussion section... and there, he fell in love with the bass drum.  While everyone was rushing for snare, he was happy with the slow and steady beat of the bass.  High school drumline is big deal... and while he has been happy with his cymbals, his desire has been to return to that big bass drum. I see a whole lot of hard work coming his way... but this young man, boy of my heart, he has it in him.  I can hardly wait for August!

a gift and a justification

Last night the thought crossed my mind that today I was going to get on the treadmill.  But as I was pulling up the covers, I realized I hadn't put out my shoes... so I knew the chances of me actually walking would be slim.  This morning, awake, but still snuggled in the warmth of blankets, Camden popped in and told me today was an AICE testing day... and so I got up and did what a good mama does and made him a nice breakfast (after making a deal with him to move my car from behind his truck while I cooked!)  We had breakfast together... and even a little morning conversation.  It was nice, and I realize that I mostly let this little blessing pass...

After a goodbye and an I love you, he headed out to school, but before I knew it, he was opening the door again with a Mom the sky looks really beautiful...  There we stood in the driveway, me in my pajamas and he with his backpack, and admired the sky for just a moment before he left.  If I had been on the treadmill I would have had the garage door open and probably would have seen the morning beauty unfold... but I count it a bigger gift that my son knows me by heart and came back in to let me know God had painted a masterpiece that I just had to see...

Some other gifts from the week?
-she mentioned that she met friends!
-and she went to the museum with them!
-meeting a friend for lunch, and her being such a good friend that she wouldn't let me breathe in the firey peppers on the grill and let me escape, while she ordered {and paid!}  I love you, Suz!
-laughter, a lot.
-a phone call that he was driving into town, a text that he was heading to the mall, and knowing he made the round trip safely!
-the chance to be a part of making a special place, honoring a friend
-finding forgotten chocolate in my desk drawer
-being able to take our son to a concert {third day, josh wilson + colton dixon!}
-ending up in the first row of the balcony, even with general admission seating
-that there is worship in the rock music

-listening to my husband sing
-knowing there is rest for the weary and the broken-hearted
-the disney store
-a friend's acting ability
-date night
-dessert before dinner
-a phone call with our girl, all is well
-singing two of his favorite songs in church... shine, Jesus shine + all you works of God bless the Lord
-how our eyes met across the fellowship hall and we bee-line in for our weekly hug
-plans, plans...coming together
-dove raspberry & dark chocolate swirls...