in the stillness

Sometimes I need to be reminded that sweat is not the only reason to go for a walk, and perhaps the reason to follow the beckoning of the tree line, backlit with the pink promise of sunrise, is simply to breathe.

In maybe the stillest May I can ever remember, I find myself having to slow down even more, which honestly seems like a cruel reverse. Last week I was chasing the 15 minute mile, and this week, trying to hold off the bronchitis, the medicine combo has stopped that race in its tracks.

But this morning, I needed to get out and center my soul. A slow steady stroll. Cool morning air, which has been glorious after the early spring heat. The birds singing their song under the moon, still standing watch over the cul de sacs for just a few more minutes.

And then there was that promise.

All worship. Be still and know, indeed.

my choice...

It was a juggling of the car and an unexpected turn of scheduling that brought me the choice of how to spend an hour or so alone, while Eric went to his appointment. Hobby Lobby?  Or...

 
As I walked along the shoreline, the waves laughed at my state of over-dress, but what is a little salt-water between friends?  Soaked to the knees, I spent the hour thinking, breathing, walking... and enjoyed every minute. My mind worked overtime thinking that summer is coming, and I should do this more often after work.  Then I remembered, I live in summer all-year-round and there is no excuse for missing this beauty that is not all that far west of me...

Some days I collect treasures, but instead I just admired the heart-shaped stones and shells, and let the coquinas dig in peace. My pockets were full enough with my thoughts. There are life changes coming our way, and I want decisions decided, but he still has time. And a little bit of hope was whispered on another front, and my mind is reeling and planning, even though the time for that is probably too far off.

God's timing is perfect... and I need to remember that.  He will bring the answers and the plans in His time, and all I can do is wait. Be still and know. Easier said than done.

At the beach, time you enjoyed wasting, is not time wasted.

-t.s. eliot

there is a lot going on...

I should have written some Friday letters last week, but Friday flew by and then the weekend with no plans was... full. It seems to be the general theme these days. But the other night we escaped to the beach for sunset... because sometimes Monday needs a dose of salty sea air and a sprinkling of sand across its toes.

Last week's college visit was really great. Really great.  And now I am in love and what if he doesn't choose Iowa?  Somehow he has narrowed his picks from seven to two, and Iowa is still in the running. He doesn't know how to choose, and as much as I want to shout pick mine! I won't... because it is not my choice. I have tried so hard not to influence this choice, and it is not even a little bit easy... but it is not my life to live. So we focus on scholarships and let the decision hang in the balance.

Even if he doesn't choose the Iowa school, the trip was not for naught. Since we flew in and out of Chicago, I had the chance to actually be with Amy on her birthday and celebrate with her! We retraced October steps to the pizza place where we had the rehearsal dinner was held... and it was just as good as I remember. We had so much fun visiting Amy, William & Drew in Chicago and even learned a little bit about wine tasting...

 Laura's job at the zoo has been busy! 'Tis the season for school trips, and kids have been showing up by the bus load! Add those happy faces to the crowds that have escaped to Florida from their snowy homes and the zoo has reported their best year yet. My girl keeps selling those lettuce leaves and the giraffes keep enjoying them. Since she is not allowed to take pictures while she is on duty, we strolled there last Saturday and I love this picture I caught of her happy face...

Sometimes when life is racing around and my mind is just too full, the best thing I can do is get outside. The fresh air always does good for my heart and soul.

the blustery, beautiful day... part 2

A little bit of fear bubbled up inside me when she asked if I wanted to walk on the weir. Every time we have kayaked up to it, it was wet. And slimy.  Camden had confirmed the slippery-ness of it when he dragged his kayak over and paddled up the other side.  But I decided that at least we could walk up to it.

Leave it to God to force me out beyond my fear...

We spotted a bird coming in for a tree landing, and I couldn't not wander closer.  Was it an eagle? Or not?  I made the first few steps out onto the weir in all but a tip-toe.  It wasn't wet. And although I could hear, and feel, the water underneath, it wasn't slippery or slimy. We still couldn't be sure of the bird, so we walked out a little more, and then a little further.  By the time we had decided it was a juvenile bald eagle, I had walked beyond my fear, and found a new comfort zone.  And as we navigated the remaining bricks, I was laughing in the joy of it.

I don't know if I even have words for what happened next...

Mom and I decided to make the loop, and walk along the dirt trail, rather than retrace our steps.  It was not an easy trek, the trail rocky and littered with ditches... not to mention the fence we had to climb around because the gate was locked!  And just when I thought the walk might never end, we spotted a red jeep across the water, driving (!) towards the tower path.  Hmmm. Bob. And Camden. We waved and jumped and shouted to no avail.  And we decided that if they were going to the tower, we wanted to go back.

Backtracking seemed like a fine idea... but once we climbed back around the fence, I realized that we had walked a greater distance than I had originally thought.  What if Cam & Bob turned around and headed home without even seeing us?!  I called and texted Camden, but there was no answer... so we picked up the pace and trekked on.  Finally, we spotted them again, and this time, they saw us. We thought they would wait for us, but Bob has a way of being our knight in shining armor (for officially 31 years and three days!)...

I was afraid to walk it, but here he came driving across.  Mom and I were laughing hysterically... and she confessed that he had been wanting to try it for months.  We were still laughing when we wearily climbed into the jeep... thankful for the save.

On our way back over the weir (driving!) I was terrified we'd end up off the side, but Bob got us home, safe and sound.  Cam's thoughts about Grampa driving them over the weir?  Cool. And? There was actually an adult bald eagle just sitting in the eagle tree...

the blustery, beautiful day...

She said she had a surprise for me in her neighborhood. I was anxious to get to her so it would be revealed, because she wouldn't even comment on my ridiculous guesses.  We walked along the water where we usually kayak, and the wind that blew our hair this way and that created waves on the usually-still river.   Our conversation was as constant as the wind.  When she pointed me to the walking trail, we took a tall step over the gate instead of swinging it wide.  We laughed our way down the trail, and she hoped that I would be as excited about the surprise as she was, as she thought I would be...

I squealed, because I am a lover of boardwalks.  I love the way they wind into the woods, to a place that would remain unseen without it, and I am so thankful that I live in a place where people take time to carve out the way.  {this is obviously unfinished!}  When I asked if this was the surprise, she smiled and said only part of it! I couldn't imagine what could be better.  But around the bend, was a tower, climbing into the sky, affording us this view...

We sat, we stood, we gazed and talked some more.  We spotted a hawk and two pileated woodpeckers along with some turkey vultures.  As we wandered back down the trail, we decided to continue down to the weir... and then the adventure took a whole different turn.

to be continued...

a standing ovation...

He said yes to me Friday morning, but as the afternoon wore on, the sun slid behind the clouds.  Sometimes I am really good at denial and will push my case for a maybe-clear-sky right up to the end... but just looking at those clouds, I knew I had to admit defeat.  Instead of sunset at the beach, I decided we could just stay home, but he put his foot down and whisked me off for Mexican food and a margarita.  Before dinner even arrived, as if I still had any bargaining chips left, I put my own foot down... but Sunday, okay?

My soul craves the beach.  The air. The light.
The rolling waves that drown out the noise in my head, the chaos of my thoughts, the rambling, constant to-do list that I can't stop adding to.  It makes me free to wander, to take time to seek the small and humble gifts that are placed in my path. I feel small and unimportant in the best kind of way... for this hour, or two, I don't need to make a decision, or think about a single thing.  And if I look down, and find I am soaked to the knees in salty surf, I laugh into the breeze.

Eric is the best finder-of-heart-shaped-treasure... but as I stroll and seek, I find three.  Three.  Camden asks why you would need three hearts, and starts rambling on about science and the havoc it would create.  Again laughter tumbles from me... I don't need three hearts, but I love that God put three hearts in my path tonight. Yes, unimportant and loved beyond measure, all at once.

When the sun falls low, and I hear the park ranger interrupting the ocean's song with his atv, I know it is almost time to go, and I am pulled from my chair, almost impatient to watch the sun sink and kiss the beach goodnight.  I look down the shore and realize I am not the only one standing.  Not the only one who couldn't even bear to sit on the edge of her seat waiting for what was to come.  And when you know that Monday is the only thing beyond the horizon, it seems just right to give this last glimpse of the weekend a standing ovation.

on strolling...

I mentioned last week that I am learning to stroll. Learning. I am a don't-be-late-let's-get-going-I-don't-want-to-miss-anything kind of girl.  I have been the go-go-go-why-are-you-so-slow kind of Mom.  And lately, I've been trying to keep that pace without bringing on a wheeze... and it does.not.work.   More than that though?  Eric keeps telling me to slow down, rest, take care... or you are staying home.  Oh. So this is where the learning to stroll comes in.

As we visited DisneyWorld this winter, I had to slow down, and breathe, if I wanted to stay.  Sometimes we even stopped to rest.  And once?  We got to the park after it opened.  I am learning.

Saturday was the annual Empty Bowls event {read about other years here!}  It is one of my most favorite events of the year, and for the past two years, due to Chalk Art {and this year} we have gone down to the park around 8am, and waited for the event to open... at 11am.  Last year I noticed that there were still a lot of bowls left at noon, and so this year, I decided I didn't need to be there until the {very long} line had gone through.  Strolling.

But when the line started moving and I was strolling the park?  I got nervous.  I started getting antsy.  And we decided that we better get at the tail end of the very long moving line.  There were actually still bowls left at 1pm. It is a process.  Suz's Coach told me that waiting is only half of patience... the other half is not worrying.  Oh.  I will work on that for next year!

My sweet friend, Southern Gal, asked for strolling lessons, but I am sure that she doesn't want the four months of bronchitis {and steroids!} that have come with mine.   I can say, though, that the actual strolling has been quite nice... and it just might be easier to stop and smell the roses when I don't have to come to a screeching halt!

Some roses from the week:
-a safari walk with my guys
-beautiful air to breathe and blue sky to go with it
-chilly days, and downright cold days!
-a great night for chili
-a few more minutes to stay under the covers
-the one baffles my mind with her knowledge about college, and all of the how-to's
-shopping for jeans for he boy who only wears shorts
-a great night with our youth group, and some crazy snowmen
-remembering he needed food for FCA, and that he is a part of this group
-a successful IEP, and all of the nice things his teachers said about him
-a few quick texts with my girl, who is studying hard!
-plans for ocala coming together!
-the three extra shifts he took this weekend, and the way he provides for us
-the friendship between cam & kassie
-spending the day with my forever friend and catching up on months worth of living
-worship
-a study that makes me think i could do one more year
-the sting of a little sun on my face, reminding me of a beautiful day
-a prepared lesson
-my husband being my neighbor {and this post}
-a sweet face and her wide blue eyes, just a few rows up
-the choir anthem, and being able to pick out his rich voice {that makes me melt}