the violets...

I was so excited to see Palisades-Kepler State Park in the spring, after our winter visit - and I had unfinished business. As we were leaving, I had spotted a foot bridge way down in a valley, and though we had already hiked a good measure, I really wanted to walk over that bridge. Eric looked at me and said I think we've pushed your lungs far enough, maybe next time. I probably pouted, but held it close to my heart, holding on to next time. {I had hoped that would be the next day but that next day, and the next, was a dreary, rain-filled, blustery day.}

But on this chill-in-the-air spring day, under a sky so blue, I was excited to find that trail with the foot bridge. Nothing was going to stop me! And then I saw the violets...

“My breathe would catch at the sight of violets-so common in the
woods at home, so surprising in the mountains. The violet's message was
"Keep up your courage, stay true to what you believe in." 

― Jessica Stern

Picking violets are one of my most vivid childhood memories. My cousin Jenny & I would sit in her front yard, which seemed a field of violets, creating bouquets of the sweet flowers. I'd then race home, through the sparse stretch of woods between her home and mine, to find a little cup of water to keep my precious bundles bright. I remember my Mom showing me how to arrange the heart-shaped leaves just so around the blooms, to create a ring of green, the perfect frame for the spring-time treasure.

On this day, the violets stopped me in my tracks.
They were so beautiful, and the memories flooded in to bring me right back to my childhood days. We don't have violets in Florida, and it was pure joy to find them. Pure joy! I couldn't resist plucking some of the sweet flowers into a bouquet... my soul was soaring! And when my parents pulled up to join us on our hike, I thrust my little bouquet through the car window, greeting my Mom with the sweet purple flowers of yesterday.

: :

Did we find the footbridge? Yes!

party crashers

She was so excited to finally be having a party!
She told me it had been a year since the last one, and I know it is one my Mom's favorite things to do. We {family} are not often on the guest list, which is always fine... but I got to thinking crazy thoughts.

This weekend my parents would celebrate 35 years of marriage. I love their love, and every day, I am thankful. Thankful that she opened her heart again. Thankful that he saved us. Mom and Bob are absolutely two of the best people I know.  We're lucky and we know it.

34 Years!

But what do you do for the people you love most, who don't need or want for anything? I thought about taking them out for lunch... but Bob would probably insist on paying. Plus, it was getting to be last minute.  My thinking cap was working overtime, and when I came up with a plan too crazy for words... I spoke them anyway. And Eric? He shook his head slightly, and took it in stride, the way he usually does when my eyes grow bright with hope. The next call was... my sister. Are you free tonight? I'll pick you up at 8pm.

We gathered up the last anniversary balloons in town, and drove across town, giddy. I felt like the prize patrol from Publisher's Clearinghouse!

It's getting late... I hope they are still there.
She won't be mad, will she?
Have you ever crashed a party before?
If I move the balloons this way, can you still breathe?

Peeking through the door, we could see that the party was in full force. We took one more photo before we threw open the door and started shouting Happy Anniversary! I could see Bob, who looked up, but hardly missed a beat in his conversation. The party guests looked a little confused, and Mom was around the corner and it seemed like she had to climb over a few people to see what was going on. But then there she was, almost teary, and in disbelief that we were there shouting and carrying on... celebrating them.

It was so much fun. 
But... not only did we crash the party... we broke it! Within a half hour every single guest had said their goodbyes and the house was empty.  But we stayed a little longer, gathered around the table, and played a game. And it felt... kind of perfect.

the double smoosh...

Heath bar?  Oreo?
Sometimes it is impossible decide...

He said he didn't think she would do it, but Camden should have known that with a Gramma like his, and an extra cupcake, that this was right up her alley of fun!

april skies...

When I woke up this morning at 4:40 am I was a little disappointed.  Not in the hour {actually that is a great night of sleep!} but in the fact that over the weekend, 4:40 am meant this...

The past two years, the Balloons Over Paradise event has drenched me in emotion.  Dreams coming true. Sharing it with my Mom.  Learning things about myself.  But this year... the only emotion that played over my heart was joy!  I knew what to expect and I knew where I was headed... and we enjoyed every minute!

Saturday I did help out here and there, but mostly, I enjoyed the view.  {We missed some of the taking off last year because we were so busy helping Miss Daisy!}  The weather was perfect and as soon as one balloon inflated, it was off!  For a girl who loves looking up, the sky was especially beautiful... filled with color sailing away on the breeze.   One day I am going to do that...

We made a new friend this year... Doug with When Pigs Fly.  We helped him take down Ham-Let, then on Sunday, Camden & I helped him again.  It is not a small task to get a balloon back in the bag!  When we were done, we were huffing and puffing, and smiling.

We also got to help put up a balloon...
And Camden got to sit in the basket all morning to keep it weighted down.
{Most of my pictures from Sunday are from under the Purple People Eater balloon!}

Just before heading home, Cam decided he definitely needed a treat, which I will categorize as "worth the calories!"  A hot, soft, salty pretzel with warm donut glaze.  He said he wasn't going to let me even have a bite, but that sweet son of mine can't resist his mother!  Or... he didn't want to walk home!

I am already looking ahead to next April.  Not wishing the time away, just knowing that when it arrives, we will add to our traditions and our list of joy.

thirty years ago...

Thirty years ago, before I knew I could spill my whole mess before God, He gave our family a miracle.  I did not know Him well enough, personally, to know that He can make all things beautiful for His good... that He loves us more than we can imagine.  Thirty years ago, He took two young girls and a very young Mom, broken from divorce, and restored their life in the gift of Bob.

We dressed our best.
Wool blazers. Plaid skirts. Bouquets of roses.  Smiles...wide.
And our broken family was healed before a Justice of the Peace... in the presence of God.
{And being included on a honeymoon to Disney World didn't hurt!}

I think we loved Bob from the first... maybe it was how he brought our Mom back to life, or maybe his silly stories, or the way he trudged uphill and down, pulling giggling girls in a garden cart... or that every Friday, there was a bouquet of fresh flowers in a vase.  But what I didn't know?  I didn't know he would spoil my Mom to the point of no return.  I laugh when she stops in front of a door, waiting for it to be opened for her, forgetting that Bob isn't with us to do the honors.  And I love that she might have forgotten how to pump gas, or that her idea of grocery shopping has become rattling off a few items as he heads out the door to Publix. I certainly didn't know, didn't dream, she would have the opportunity to see far more of the world than you can see walking around EPCOT.  Europe, Australia... Africa.

These last thirty years are something I am thankful for every day.
I love that my Mom is spoiled... and I love that Bob has given her the world, and so much more.  To be witness to the life they have created, to be a part of it, is such a privilege...and knowing there are a few more adventures right around the bend?  It brings me so much joy.

Happy Anniversary, Mom & Bob... I love you both so very much.

we're going to the zoo

Sweet. Thoughtful. Ours...

I had heard them whispering, and saw them quickly cover some notes when I came close. They pretended innocence, but I know the actions of the suspicious too well.  But with Christmas fast approaching, suspicious has to be acceptable...

Their gift ...a date to the zoo. For two.

Tickets, giraffe feeding, snacks, and a photo-booth-photo-shoot. All that's left is the going...

On Cam's birthday, we took a pre-trip...for three. Just me and my two. We went to see the animals, and Gramma, too.  

My mom may have fallen in love with zoo volunteering at the first mention, and once she was there, well, we can hardly tear her away.   What started out as marking time between Africa trips has become so much more.    She divides her time between the giraffes and creating animal enrichment.  On Cam's birthday?  It was both. 

I love watching her work... ushering in the giraffe feeders a group at a time, reminding of how to hold the lettuce...come closer, hold it up.  And then he comes in with that long tongue, wraps it around the lettuce, and waits for the next leaf.  I could watch her and her giraffes all day long...

She built this contrapion for giraffe enrichment, which is always exercise for their spectacular tongue. Grain in the ball, water dripping from the jug. One approaches and then another. Spinning ensues as they each try to stand their ground, grappling for the fun.   

Watching them play is such a gift... one that reminds of of where we've been.

making the most of the beach pass...

Glaring at perhaps the ugliest cupcakes I have ever frosted, I finally came up with an idea.  An idea that had her cozying up to me on the picnic bench.  Watching what I was doing, her chin hovered over my shoulder, so I tilted my head and our cheeks brushed.   I couldn't see her face as I took each cupcake out, sunk a colorful safari animal in and set it on the stand... but I could almost feel her smile...

She is an amazing lady, this Mom to two and Gramma to four... and I am so honored to have her as my example to live by {although she won't like that I said that!}  I love to make her smile... and on occasion, cry {but only the good kind of tears!}  I'll never forget the day she told me that I knew what love was all about... we were sitting in the van going around the circle down by the back barn and I had just put her feelings above my own.  Maybe I was twelve, and while I don't recall exactly what I said... I felt as if she had handed me the world with her words.  I suppose, right then and there, she also anchored my life-long people pleasing ways...

For the rest of the evening we played on the beach... swooshing away tiny gnats and digging our toes into the sand.   Laura + Gramma settled in to chat about all things zoo while the rest of the kids dug for coquinas in the surf.  Tina + I chatted with Bob while we watched the sun sink low, and the evening sky made us ooo and ahh...

We have tried to make the most of this beach pass that expires nine months before we thought it would... and if we calculate by the number of visits, we aren't doing half bad.  But if we calculate by memories made and moments together, we are so far ahead of the game...

At the beach, life is different.  Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. 
We live by the currents, plan by the tides, and follow the sun...

-anonymous

{almost} wordless wednesday

Check back tomorrow for the story behind the JOY on these faces!

gifts from the sea

I watched the sky as I made my way to her. Rain? Probably.
My mind reeled, considering the options, but knowing this walk was not to be cancelled or postponed- whether it happened along the shoreline, or through the mall.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted her lime bug right away… and a smile rose up into my heart. I tumbled out of my own car and into her arms, and there we shared a good morning, a Happy Mother’s Day, and an I love you. Even with a dark cloud looming to the north, we decided it was worth the chance, and headed off to the boardwalk, towards the beach… already deep into conversation. Shoes were left in the sand and the cares of the world beside them. With the waves splashing around our feet, there was time… to talk, share, and laugh, with only the distractions of the shore birds and an occasional heart-shaped gift from the sea.

I need this.

I need this time… without the worries of fairness and balance and hurt feelings. Because while the mother and daughter of us will always be, there is something more than just that between us. We learn from each other. We share a friendship that collects tidbits of news to share, and moments of I-can’t-wait-to-tell-her. I have learned that I can spill my heart to her, and she will pool up the puddles of my tears and help me make sense of it. There is an excitement about being together that can overshadow a get-together that includes others. So this time… it teaches me something else: sometimes the opportunity to be selfish is actually a gift. Even if the rain pours down around you, soaking you to the skin.

176.  trees! on the church property
177.  deer on the hill. No matter how many times I see them, I can't help but count them again.
178.  soft powdery sand surrounding my feet
179.  the joy that fluffy tissue paper flowers bring to my eyes!
180.  fiesta salad
181.  the cool breeze that meets me for my morning walk... I'm amazed it lingers into May
182.  thinking, planning... ahead of the game.
183.  how God places me just where He needs me to be
184.  watching "my boys" play frisbee in the surf... no match for the wind!
185.  the crest of the wave
186.  the hug that came out of nowhere...
187.  laughter carrying over the crash of the sea
188.  time... to draw out my soul
189.  being amazed at they way my kids know me...
190.  pages flapping in the breeze... and having to catch them in order to write
191.  being a mom
192.  long term plans... just when my hope beings to wane she announces some crazy plan for a year down the road, and no matter what, it is beautiful in that she hopes.

193.  having a friend to decipher with
194.  the perfect birthday gift for him!

195.  Linus & Lucy... played loud & stong, and with confidence
196.  seeing money in his Dad's birthday card, he exclaimed- you're rich!

197.  and what happened next... with his arm around his son he replied... yes.  Yes, I am rich.

198.  and then... Dad. Tomorrow. Me. You. Game-Stop!

199.  making someone happy, just by taking a few pictures.

200.  writing it down... at last.

a field trip

I remember the giddy gasp of excitement that would filter through the classroom when it was announced that a permission slip would be going home. A permission slip meant… a field trip. It almost didn’t matter where we were going, the promise of a break in the ordinary was enough of a reason to celebrate. A field trip also meant a special lunch… Twinkies, or Hostess cupcakes, or the most decadent Suzy Q. My insides still quiver when I think about running my finger over the waxy paper, gathering the last bits of moist chocolate the Suzy Q had left behind. Of course, you couldn’t have a field trip lunch without something to wet your whistle. I would watch as my Mom wrapped that Orange Crush in foil before slipping it into my lunch bag… and I would feel special. Not out of the ordinary special, but the just like everyone else special that you think your soul needs to feel at seven and eight and nine.

Even though the destination was nothing compared to actual adventure of the field trip itself, I have saved memories of horse-shoe crabs on the beach, of the giant T-Rex at the Museum of Science, the Salem Witch Museum and Plymouth Plantation (although I would gladly banish the memories of the wax museum and getting wet in the crossing of the Mayflower!)

It seems today that field trips in school are far and few between, but when that permission slip does come home, you can bet that a special lunch is in order. And if I can, I chaperone… because I remember how much I loved sitting with my Mom on the bus on our way to anywhere. Twice a year, I have a field trip from work… and with giddy excitement, I scrawl the words on my calendar. It is always after lunch, and just down the road a few miles to hang an art show… but it is the break in the ordinary that I love.

Tomorrow, come on by and we’ll make a little field trip ourselves.  I have written my very first guest post, and you are invited. Sharon is celebrating a birthday and her two year blogiversary… at her very new bloggy home.
Don’t forget to wrap your drink in foil… I’ll bring the cupcakes.

treasure of the heart

Wednesday is junk mail day... but folded in the middle of flyers and ads and catalogs I will never order from, there was treasure.  Plucking the gold envelope out of the stack, I could tell it was real mail... and when I turned it over my fingers raced to tear open the flap.  But I stopped... and took just a moment to first hold it to my heart.  Her handwriting is precious to me.  It has always been the most beautiful writing... the handwriting I have always hoped might flow from my own pen.  But my squat loops are so different from her delicate, precise script.  I know I will save this card, and its envelope forever.  Because her writing is a part of her... my one in a long equation of grandparents.  And though she lives too many states away, she is never far from my heart.

We were lined up on the hard pew of the church, waiting for Cam's piano recital to begin... and my Mom leaned over to me and put a big envelope in my hands.  She smiled and told me she had finally decided on the perfect Christmas gift for my Gramma.  Intrigued, I reached inside... but before the sheets of paper were fully exposed, my curiosity turned to tears.  The kind of tears that overwhelm and humble.  There were pages of my own words tucked in that envelope... a subscription to your blog she said with a smile.  And while they might consider my words a gift... these two women are a gift to me.   Because while my heart pours out the words for me... those words somehow become more when someone else cares about them, when someone else feels them as deeply as I do. 

So Mom and Gramma... thank you.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me.  Thank you for being amazed by me, even though I might think that is just a little much.  I love you both!

the africa necklace

I have worn it every day... I find myself reaching for it, feeling the hammered surface and the shape of the cross under my fingers and it brings my heart back there.  Nakumpenda, or nakupenda... I love you.  Yes, Africa.  I love you.  And Mom... I love you, too. 

***

It all started while we were talking to a German woman at the beautiful Tloma Lodge. She was just beginning her African adventure, and we grasping tightly to the last few hours of ours. I noticed she had Africa around her neck… and I couldn't keep my eyes from it.  The thought of having Africa around my neck made me smile, and I hoped that I might find something similar. 

Once we arrived home and I was catching up on this and that… I saw something my friend Wendi had posted…

I was instantly in love, and began digging all over Kristen's blog, because what were the chances of Wendi actually winning? I had already read some of Kristen’s trip to Africa, but I had not seen the necklace that her husband had created for her in honor of Valentine’s Day and her own trip to Africa. After finding out all I could, and waiting a few days to see if Wendi had won, I contacted Kristen… It's so funny that you would ask about those necklaces! This is still a secret, but our family is partnering with Maureen, a Compassion Leadership graduate, to open a maternity home for pregnant girls living in the streets of Kenya. We just formed a 501c3 and are making the necklaces to benefit the home.

I ordered two… one for my Mom, and one for me.
Kristen's husband made them and they were shipped faster than I imagined.  And in the waiting, I could barely talk to my Mom… wanting to shout it out and keep it a secret all at once. But then… the necklaces were here, and I was hanging mine around my neck and admiring it in the mirror and knowing what I had really known all along… that when my Mom opened her gift she would cry rivers of tears.

Tucking mine away in my pocket, I shouted hello from her door and then fell into her arms, relieved that I could place this gift into her hands… knowing that it was such a small thank you for the adventure of a lifetime. She pulled the ribbon and it unfurled gently onto the counter, then lifted the turquoise lid and then the cotton batting… without a clue to what might be waiting beneath. Seeing the chain first, she lifted it from the layers and then she saw Africa… and crumbled. The tears did not sparkle in her eyes and she did not smile at the gift… rather, there was a heart-wrenching sob that came from deep within, that kind that takes your breath away because your heart is filled with so much love that it actually hurts a little, and tears that ran rivers from her chin. I love it.

I knew she would.
Later than night, there was an email...
 I more than love my necklace........I'm going to have to find something to go with it when Laura and Cam get married.
And then I had rivers of my very own…

this girl & her mom

It has been years since I have had my Mom all to myself. Perhaps 35 years? But this past weekend... we headed off to celebrate Laura (and her team!) with the World. I brought a book along for the down time... two 3 hour flights and any free time we had at the hotel... and only read 15 pages. Who needs a story when you can make your own? My Mom & I... we talked and talked and walked... and laughed and played and visited. We dined on veggie subs at Subway... and hiked across campus for ice cream from MSU's Dairy Store. I annoyed the rented GPS so often that we were waiting for her to retaliate. She jumped on the bed when the alarm on her phone rang out two months 'til Africa. I was by her side when we met up with David at the Zoo... and she was by mine when we pulled up to the sweetest house on the cul de sac to meet my bloggy friend. And perhaps both visits gave her the extra bit of courage to share her potato chips with a sweet girl from Hong Kong.


I loved sharing this weekend with my Mom... and being Laura's cheering section. Gratitude buzzes in my heart for all she is and all she gives.