celebrations and survival

We find ourselves on the other side of Christmas... all of the preparation behind us, nothing but a memory. My Christmas tree lights are still twinkling, and I keep wondering if it really has to be over. Yes, our Christmas tree survived, and teaches me again to leave it in God's hands instead of sitting in the worry. Even through the exhaustion, I would celebrate again... because the joy that hung in the air was simply beautiful. The gathering of family, the laughter, the sharing, the food, the smiles, the gifts.

And the way that Jesus was tucked in it all... from the amazing short wait in the waiting room in the urgent care Eric got bit by a friend's dog right before we were headed to celebrate with my family Christmas Eve morning, admiring the nativities, Christmas Eve service complete with candle-light, and a card on Christmas morning... Linus sharing the real meaning of Christmas  right before we dove into the treasures under the tree...

And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill toward men. That's what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown.

After the long morning, with the adrenaline fading, we all fell to napping while Camden built his Lego sets. Dinner, more cookies... more laughter. And then it is simply... over. But I hang on, leave gifts under the tree, keep the lights burning, the music playing.   It will hit me all at once, and I will be rushing to put it all behind... but even as we prepare for and celebrate Camden's birthday, I find peace in the beauty of Christmas, and surround myself with it.

merry christmas

If you were to stop by I'd offer you a cookie or two... baked fresh at 5am. I don't sleep much the week before Christmas... just filled with the anticipation and wonder of it all. Yes, all... even the crazy-rushing around. There are things I didn't get to... and things that I hadn't planned on, but couldn't resist. Sometimes you just have to pick and choose... and hope that maybe next year there will be time for everything. We are going to make sugar cookies tomorrow though... I promised the kids, and thought it might be fun since Eric will be working (but close by.)

I am looking forward to church tonight... the candle light, the voices and the story. Oh, that story. I am thankful all over again for this gift that God gave us... not just that on that starry night, but the celebrating year after year. And with each passing year, I seem to gather more in my heart.

Merry Christmas... I hope you kneel at the manger, laugh in the twinkling lights of the tree, bask in the glow of a smile over a gift you've given, and feel the embrace of family and friends... hold them close.

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called Wonderful,Counselor,

Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

one last (birthday) song

He listened to me whine and complain... for almost two weeks. No one even has time for my birthday, which was why I eventually decided to celebrate it on my own terms. In all my 39 years, this was maybe the first time I ever felt that way... and while I don't usually make a practice of dwelling in the ugly, the hurt and the sadness was just a little too much for this heart. This heart that love, love, loves my December birthday, and has most always embraced it. I wanted to embrace it this year, too... so I narrowed my expectations (which were small to start with... a few hours of family, mixed with cake and ice cream) and created strict terms that I expected him to follow... to the letter. Only this one night, just us four, cookie dough flautas, no cake... and no singing or celebrating it any other time. It sounds ridiculous now... but it was my coping mechanism, the only way I could push aside the sad and lonely feelings over what he wouldn't give up for my day. How old am I? Three? I deserved that kick-in-the-pants cards from my Mom... and I knew it, but still couldn't reign my heart in.

The day after my birthday, we had plans with friends... easy dinner, just to visit and relax before the Christmas crazy set fully in. When we had originally made the plans I told Eric, but it won't be a birthday celebration, okay? and he just shook his head, fully sick of my birthday attitude. But this night was at least a week after that conversation, and I had just celebrated a wonderful birthday, had tucked all that junk away into my muddy heart...

It was too dark to tell who was in the driveway, probably just someone stopping by their house to drop of a quick gift or something... but as we pulled in I noticed there was more than an extra car. And there were quite a few people standing around. And they were waving. I put my hand up to wave and the realization hit me all at once. My family. All of them. A surprise for me, the very loud birthday whiner. I was more than shocked, more than pleased, more than humbled. He was worried that I wouldn't even get out of the car.

No worries... he is the very best husband a girl could be lucky enough to call her own. And he loves me completely, even when I make his life miserable, even in spite of me. And still, after the celebration, I can't quite get over how selfish and awful I have been... but he offered me grace anyway, and I joyfully splashed in it. I have closed the door on this birthday... and next year, when my beautiful birthday comes around, I will accept it just as it is... because I believe I have learned my lesson.

it was happy... very happy

When I looked ahead to my day, I begrudgingly lowered my expectations... a Monday birthday can't possibly offer what a weekend birthday can. As this Monday birthday loomed, my negative attitude grew... and if I wasn't quite sure I possessed a negative attitude at all, now I was sure. I love my birthday. Love, love, love my birthday... and I wanted this one to be as wonderful as the last one. So I made a plan... my birthday on my terms, and I would make the best of it. My Mom's birthday card came Saturday, and gave me that extra encouragement (or kick in the pants) I needed... Your birthday may not be the same as it was when you were little- a lot of things have changed since then...You've changed, too. Ahem!

Yesterday Eric was the first to wish me a happy day... and I surprised and thrilled that both Laura and Cam woke early on their first day of vacation to share their wishes with me before I left for work. With a smile I walked out the door and was greeted with the day... blue sky, sun climbing and crisp cold air. God, your gift was perfect... my favorite kind of day. And before I even left the driveway, I happened on another gift...

Cards from my Sweetheart. And I recall, almost exactly half-my-life-ago, finding a card from him on the seat of my car... just after our first date. I laughed when I looked at the envelopes... #1 open at 0900, #2 open at 1200, #3 open at 1500. He knows how I feel about military time, and when I called him on it he laughed one of those big all-the-way-to-your-toes kind of laughs... and it was just one more beautiful gift.  Right then and there I knew... that this would be a happy birthday, even if it did fall on a Monday.

The day rolled on with beauty... cards that made me cry, an email from my best, best, best friend, and facebook posts filled with happy wishes (I knew that darn facebook would have to be good for something eventually!) There were cupcakes and cake and a visit from my sister at work... and a few gifts here and there that made me squeal with joy. Yes, birthdays are for squealing. I came home to a pile of gifts, each hand-picked with love... no Christmas wrap in sight.   And even if this one gift shouts Christmas (I asked for this!), I shout right back that it might just stay out all year...

The four of us laughed over tacos and cookie dough flautas (thank you Tijuana Flats for my FREE dinner and dessert!) and then headed off to an event I have wanted to visit for years...

The nature center was decked out in lights, and we walked dark paths lined with them. Glancing up, the full moon peeked from between the trees and offered us the chance to sing in its glow... three foxes leaping, two bald eagles, and a bobcat in a pine tree! I must have thanked Eric three or four times... for this night, for this chance to be just the four of us, for this very happy birthday.

Here I am... officially another year older. And maybe... just a little wiser. A Monday birthday is what you make it... and mine was happy. Very happy.