today i am thankful...

A new day has begun... and the sun is shining just a little brighter. Yesterday Eric was the talk of the town... fifteen minutes of fame he could've lived without... and today he is old news. I suppose we are hopeful that the paper might print a retraction, of sorts... but the reality is that if there is a more truthful story, it will most likely appear on page 57, whereas the sensationalized story was the front page headliner. But today... I am thankful. I am thankful for the truth, as it is recorded second by second on film. I am thankful for an agency that continues to embrace a man serving his community... and a family that stands beside us- but would be willing to stand in front of us, if the need arise. I am thankful for the friends who have rallied around us through phone calls, letters to the editor, prayers and hugs... whether they live around the corner or states away, including all of the well-wishers who have touched my heart here, on my blog. I am thankful... that God has placed all of these people in our life... and even for the experience itself... as it brings along lessons to learn and hold tightly to. Yes, today, I am thankful.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil 4:6

when the world reaches in.

our home is our haven. our little corner, where all is as it should be. safe. loving. honest. when our kids were smaller, and they would argue with each other, we would remind them… these four walls are where you are safe from the world… and sometimes family is all you have… so take care to remember their feelings. and somehow, life just slipped back into peace… and all was well, once again. home. where your heart lives.

but, last night the world came ‘round.

i locked the doors… latched the windows, and pulled the shades… trying to keep the ugliness out… and maintain the peace that resides within. we should have shut off the television… and pulled the plug on the computer. but we didn’t. because we needed to know. we needed to know what people were saying… about my husband… and the incident at work. the small story that has been embellished and sensationalized. but we needed to know. not just to satisfy our curiosity… but so that we could prepare. prepare our hearts for battle… prepare our children for what might come along. because it is our job… to keep them safe… even if it is just safe from other people’s words and thoughts. is it fair that they might be asked to defend a moment that doesn’t even belong to them? no. but they would do it willingly if called up. it hurts… when the world reaches into your home and stirs up ugliness. why would people lie? why would someone do that? why?

our home is our haven. our little corner of the world, where we can crawl under the covers and hide… where we can come together with conversations about truth and the media… where we can simply hold on until the tidal wave has passed. because tomorrow there will be another story… about something equally unimportant… and our little life will be waiting… right where we left it.

falling short, second guessing and the learning curve

How many days are there... that I look back and see… that I have missed the mark? Or maybe… how many times a day do I realize, try as I might… that once again I have fallen short? Fallen short of my goal… fallen short of my own expectations… fallen short of God’s plan for me?

I was fallen from the first…

I suppose I am thankful that He expects it… for He knows that I cannot even come close to perfection. Maybe it is not what He wants from me anyway. Perhaps, it is where He expects me to grow.

I am not a stranger to the darkness…

I am not a worrier, but I am a second guesser. I step out with a plan, be it mine, or His… and there I am looking over my shoulder. Was this the right path? Should I have taken a left where I had thought Certainly right? Sometimes I simply walk… with no thought at all… just moving forward to my destination… without considering the consequences at all. And when I finally take that glance back behind me… I realize that I have messed up. Again. I have not asked all of the questions. I have not left my ducks neatly in their row.

From the ashes and the dirt…

I am thankful… that so far… the only one to suffer has been me. I am the one who feels that sting behind my eyes… that will soon lead to tears. I am the one who clutches her stomach, due to the pit that has settled there as a reminder. Why did I not ask for help? Why did I not listen to that soft tap that surely must have been God’s hand on my shoulder?

You fashion beauty from the wounds I’ve carried…

Because I am still learning. And apparently, there is quite a learning curve. And it seems I must live my mistakes… own them… and adjust. I will learn to ask the right questions when my daughter is planning an outing. I am new at this… and I want to be that Mom who sends her children off confidently into their teen years. But I need to remember to ask more than who is going… and where. And although I don't feel justified in this, I am pretty new at being a cop’s wife, too. But I should have thought beyond myself… and realized it might be hours before he was able to come home… to our son. Yes, he was taken care of… but who should have been the caretaker? Me. His Mom.

Nothing lost, and all redeemed in You.

I am so thankful for forgiveness… I know I need only ask it of my Creator, and it is mine. It should erase the need for me to forgive myself… since He has already erased it from existence. But here I am… still in need. If I listen closely though… I can hear His voice… calling. And His hand is surely resting there… on my shoulder.

Beautifully broken in Your eyes
You see the man my sins disguise
You took my place
You saved my life
Miraculouse love, sweet sacrifice
Beautifully broken.

lyrics from Beautifully Broken by Beautiful Republic

h is for...

...hat.
Here is a better view of the HAT in question... even though it did not scan in with any sort of quality!! Now... on with my story...

I love this hat. Camden loves this hat... still. Even though it is finally too small for him (eight years later!) This hat has probably gotten more wear than any other Disney hat purchased... or should I say... hats. Maybe. Because it is really two hats.
This was our first trip to Disney World with the kids... a wonderful gift from my parents... and we had so much fun seeing it all, and seeing it through little eyes. We knew that these kiddos needed their first Mickey Ears... and Laura spotted hers right away- attached to a shimmering, sparkling princess-y hat. Not your traditional Mickey Ears... but she loved the hat, and it was really sweet on her. And so on to Cam. The Sorcerer's hat was cool- but no ears... and that was really our only requirement. Of course, thinking back, this really shows what a go-with-the-flow kid Camden has always been! Here he was, five years old, and he didn't insist on any other hat, or even say boo at our "requirements!" (The require-ers being Mom & Gramma!)
It was the second to last day at Disney... and still no hat for the most patient boy in all the kingdom. Until we went to Animal Kingdom. They had wonderful safari hats with ears... but no kids sizes... and Cam was quite a small five year old! While we were looking, Cam asserted his independence and found his own hat. Just his size. Safari-ish. Fuzzy Mickey on the front. No ears. But he wanted it... I think he was tired of hat shopping, and he really just wanted this one. A mother's disappointment spun around in my head... until I spotted the traditional Mickey Ears on the black cap. I looked them over... then went to the register. Do you have a stapler? The salesman looked at me strangely, and finally said yes. Could I please borrow it? When he said yes, we bought the two hats- traditional Mickey Ears, and the beloved fuzzy Mickey hat, and I began crafting. Yes- right there in the store. It probably killed that man to watch me deface those plastic ears, but I went on. One ear off. Two ears off. One ear on... staple, staple, staple. Second ear on... staple, staple, staple. Ta-Da!! And everyone was happy. Cam got the hat he wanted... and my Mom & I got our ears.
Cam has gotten compliments for years... in fact, on a trip back to Disney a couple of years later, one of the cast members recognized his hat. And I am certainly sure that Disney has seen the error of their ways and my creation is probably selling for $29.95. Sure... it would've been nice to receive a commission... but the smile on this boy's little face is worth the world to me.