July 01, 2009
Reflecting on yesterday's post... and not spending enough time... or letting moments slip through the grasp of my fingers and my heart... I am realizing that perhaps I was wrong. Because turning the pages of these precious baby books, I wrote Laura, you are magic... your eyes dance and I just want to hug you. and Camden, I love you... everything about you. I never seem to want to put you down... and it brings all of it back in a rush. Perhaps not as clear a memory as I would like... but my memory is not as young as I would like. It has been splashed over and rolled upon the shore... like a piece of glass tossed to the waves. The edges are somehow smooth and dull... the surface worn. But inside... the visions are clear and shiny and seem touched by a ray of the sun... I just needed to look beyond what I see and take a deeper breath. Because in there... beauty lives. The feeling of her smooth little head under the palm of my hand... her chicken legs and her tiny hands reaching for her mouth. The quiver of a tiny chin, the sound of the silliest laugh, and his soft hair. I might not recall the scent of them... but my heart knows I loved to breath in their softness. And their little words and giggles... I might not be able to repeat them... but my soul remembers how I loved the sounds. So yesterday is where it should be. Tucked away in pages and hearts and dreams. Because without the dulled memories, maybe I couldn't be the Mom who is letting go, bit by bit, urging their independence to grow and their wings to unfurl. Because these two... my young lady on the verge of young adulthood, and my dear boy taking steps towards being a young man, they show me that I gave of myself when they were babies. For how else could they reach for my hand, and know it would be there just waiting... or lay a head on my shoulder and know where it will just fit? And so I know... it shouldn't be about yesterday and its regrets... it should be about today... and all of the tomorrows yet to be...
Posted by Dawn