June 30, 2009

blue bear

While my kiddos are traveling through the mountains with their grandparents, I have time on my hands. Lovely time... to do with whatever I please. Today my hubby & I will take in a matinee, but the last couple of days have brought the urge to straighten and sort. I have found myself in their rooms... just tidying up. Not the good spring cleaning that is long overdue, but the kind that includes sweeping surfaces clean, making beds... just enough so that I can leave the doors open and not want to run screaming when I wander by. So here and there, I am making some progress. And last night I pulled down a box from Cam's closet... his memory box. There were several things waiting on the shelf beside it, just waiting to join ranks. But as a Mama is prone to do... I dug down deep in the box and reveled in the smallness that once was. The tiny booties and the once-shiny silver spoon... the brittle pacifier and the Guess-How-Much-I-Love-You-Bunny. Oh I know now... that I didn't enjoy it as I should have. I didn't grasp onto the days as I wish I would have. But the moment has passed, and the lessons have been learned. One disappointment was what wasn't in the box. I feared that it might not be... and to find that I was right saddened me just a touch more. Blue Bear. A gift from a girl I worked with... soft aqua blue... squishy and scented with chamomile for a good night's rest. Oh how my Cammie loved Blue Bear. They spent every night snuggled together, Cam asleep within moments of being laid down. By day Blue Bear was dragged and tumbled and gnawed on. I'm not sure I even have a photo of the two of them together... but it was love. And I wished that Blue Bear had been in that box. How could I not have saved him... Pushing on, I decided to clear the rest of the closet shelf. Sweaters and blankets and old school papers. Beanie babies and marble track... and suddenly there he was.

Blue Bear. Tattered and stained and not even a faint whisper of chamomile remaining... but love oozed from every stitch of him.

Blue Bear is my gift this week. Maybe the reminder I needed, that no matter how much I think I didn't cherish those long ago moments... I actually did. And it does a heart some good.

Wander over to to discover a few more everyday gifts...
at Emily's Chatting at the Sky.

11 comments:

emily said...

Dawn, I love it! I also fear I'm not enjoying the moments enough, not cherishing this time with them while they are little. But your words encourage me...because the fact that I fear I'm not cherishing these moments may be proof that I actually am. If that even makes sense!

thanks for sharing blue bear.

Kat said...

Oh, Dawn. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for showing me through your story that even though I thought I didn't enjoy my babies enough that I actually did. I, too, cherish my children's baby and toddler years and we talk about them all the time. Even my children like me to tell them their stories. Thanks again :)

Whitney Hannam said...

What a sweet post! What a great gift also to be able to enjoy some YOU time...something we all need!

Melissa Stover said...

oh how i know how it feels to want to run screaming when you walk past their door.i have a vague memory of my mother feeling the same way about my room as a child. trying to let it go and not be a nag.

deb said...

some many moms with tattered and a little worn, and full full full hearts.
Blessing to you for sharing it yours so well.

Heather of the EO said...

That was just plain wonderful.

I'm always scared I won't remember. But even if the details grow fuzzy, all of it will be buried in my heart. You did cherish it too, I'm sure, a mother's heart just can't help it, even when we don't think we're taking the time to relish in it.

Great post!

togetherforgood said...

I am so glad you found Blue Bear. What a lovely little blessing.

Jo@Mylestones said...

What a sweet (and symbolic) reminder to ALL of us to treasure the moments when we have them. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is so sweet. I am so happy you found him...I think you can still add a bit of chamomile.
Enjoy your time.

Kellye said...

I swore I wouldn't cry when I read your post today and yet here I am today tears collecting on the desk in front of me.

Wendi said...

E has pink poodies (poodle head blankies)...4 of them because I was scared to death that I might lose one and never find a replacement. They deserve (and will eventually get) their own post. I think I love those poodies almost as much as she does. She still asks for them at night, and when she gets scared or needs comforting, she rubs the itty bitty nose between her thumb and pointer finger..back and forth, back and forth, even though she is sound asleep. I could watch it forever. I know I will have those poodies long after she has forgotten about them. Loved this post...such GREAT writing! It also made me think of all of the trips my sister and I took with other family members but without our Mom. I'm sure Laura and Cam are making some super memories!!