May 31, 2012

what sick steals (and what it doesn't)

I miss my laugh.
The tell-tale laugh that can be heard at the back of the room, or in Target, three aisles over.
The laugh that turns heads and causes friends to seek me out.
The laugh that tumbles a string of joy and sweet cackles from my soul.
The laughter is not gone, but sick has replaced it with an ugy wheeze.

I have been sick (bronchitis, etc) for over a month... and my heart aches (along with my chest) that my kids might remember this time larger than life. I do not want them to think of me as sick and fragile... I want to be the one running along side of their life. Laughing all the way.

I have rested until the imprint on the couch is deep. I have followed doctors orders. I have takes a boat load of medicine. And today I let the doctor look around in my lungs. (I am hoping there may be some answers soon!)  But through it all, I have not missed a night of celebrating their accomplishments... all reserved rest spent on these two pieces of my heart.  And I have clapped, cheered and wheezed my heart out.
Tonight I reminded Cam that I hadn't forgotten about our running... that we will get back to it (and he is not off the hook.) He spent an extra five minutes out of his room tonight and asked me about my day. And as we sat chatting... laughter came in a fit of wheeze.

Oh well... time will tell.
God's timing, not mine.



Gabe said...

Its hard when its not like you envisioned it isn't?? But then sometimes its better than we thought it would be, too!

Praying for answers!

Pam said...

I am so sorry you've got bronchitis! I had it once and it seemed to take me forever to get over it. It took 2 rounds of antibiotics. I wheezed for weeks. I am so time is a fun time to be sick...but this is a super special time for your peeps. I know it's hard. Hang in there, my friend. : )

Anonymous said...

Ugh, Dawn! I'm so sorry you've been so sick for so long! (((hugs)))

Busy Bee Suz said...

I know you have a million wonderful things going on right now...and even this sickness can't keep you down.
Praying that Dr. Pokey. found an answer for you.

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