me... on friends for a season

I have never been one to have a ton of friends. I have never yearned to be "popular." In my shyness, I was always happy to have a few really good friends... friends I knew I could count on... quality over quantity, I suppose. And in the course of my life there have been friendships that have come and gone. Some I have ended... some have drifted, and I'm sure we'll make our way back... and then there are those that have ended for reasons unknown to me. Those are the ones that sit in my heart and leave me wondering... and asking Why?
Those friendships I have ended... mostly in my younger years... when you come to that proverbial fork in the road and have to make a choice... a friend? or my life as I need it to be? Maybe she was moving in the wrong direction and I didn't want to follow... maybe I just couldn't live the with choices. Perhaps I judged... but I knew what I believed and needed for my life... what choice I had to make for my life to be what I dreamed it to be. And there have been frienships that have suffocated me... and have left me more insecure that I was on my own. Choices.
Though I have also lost a friend to Heaven, probably the most painful loss is when someone else ends their friendship with you. Had there been a fight, or an obvious disagreement, I might have understood. But sometimes we just don't... and it leaves us wondering. Did I suffocate you with my friendship? Was my caring too intense? Did I say or do something that just got under your skin? And my choices... did you think I was that wrong or out of line? Did you possibly know that I made that choice because it was far too painful to sit in that pew and feel lonlier than I ever had before? Didn't you know that when I said that, it was me... being sarcastic? I am not one to let go and walk away easily, but that being said, I am not one for confrontation either. And so I wrote... and after two notes left unanswered, I figured I had my answer... and that friendship was over. Occasionally I see her around town... and it is as polite as can be... no more, no less. And still I wonder. And yes, I'm still sad.
As for the drifters... they give me hope. They are the friends that, though I may not be in contact with at the moment, once I run into them in Publix, it will be like old times. They are the ones that I know are just busy, like me... and still call me friend.
Friendships are such a huge part of a woman's life... they mold us... inspire us... and refresh us for our families. Friendships keep us laughing... and living. There are those people who are no longer a part of my life... but that doesn't mean that they didn't have an impact on it... even a good one. Whether it ended because of me... or you... the friendship was real... for a time... a season.

for me?

Thank you, Suzanne! How very fun it was to buzz on over to Day by Day and see that my funniest friend had awarded me this very sweet award! Ahhh... my very first. Where should I put it? For today, I suppose it will hang out here... and I can think about it some more!
So... I suppose I am to pass this award on...

Wendi... You make me laugh, laugh, laugh with every story about that darling daughter of yours. What an imagination she has- I loved that she played in the "snow" inside. She is quite a "Sweetie" even if she is just a tiny bit mischievous!!
Rosemarie... I have enjoyed discovering your little world of twins! How I love those two smiling snowmen you posted! And today is your birthday? Sweet!
MaryLou... You really made my day when I saw that I had a second "follower!" I have enjoyed popping over to find out more about those Smiling Eyes!! And I wore my Red Keds yesterday in honor of your post (and because my feet were cold!)

Have fun sharing!

for all time

A good friend is a connection to life, a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. -Lois Wyse

I have known her for so many years... so many! And ever since she was forced to share her home ec kitchen with me (way back in 8th grade), we have been the closest friends. The mall... trekking into Boston... our first concert (Kenny Loggins!)... and our Lane cedar chests. I have loved it all... and the memories hold such an important place in my heart. There have been times when our lives were going in different directions, but we have always been there for each other. Who invited me for Thanksgiving when I would be all alone? Amy. And who, when I felt insecure, told me that I was beautiful? Amy. And just hours before I was going to meet Eric's parents... and I was in tears... so afraid that they wouldn't like me... she talked me through. She pulled me up and set me straight... and I will always be thankful for that. We stood up for each other at our weddings... and stood beside each other in the tough times. I was thrilled to be by her side when her son entered the world... and lend my hands in the first few days of his little life. Sometimes the phone is all we have... oh, how we loved the phone! And sometimes, there are the opportunites to spend actual time together. My dearest friend... in all the world... she is so strong. She has handled so much, and carries so much more. There are friendships for seasons of our lives... and then there are the ones that stand the tests of time. There is no doubt in my mind that we will spend our golden years... rocking away on the porch... talking to each other on the phone.

d is for...

Dawn.
Not to make myself seem important, but it is my blog...
D is for... Dawn.
I never really liked my name when I was little... it was so different... no one had my same name. And now? I love my name... it is kind of different... and not many people have my same name. I have learned... it is good to be your own person...really good. Because pretending you are something you are not is hard work... and not very much fun. Sometimes it is even hard to be the person you really are... when others have their own perception of who you are.
In case you were wondering... here are a few very true things about me:

I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see my husband come into the room.
Reading is one of my favorite ways to procrastinate.
I don't worry about the big stuff... I really try to leave it in God's hands.
Dessert is my specialty.
There are days when I feel so uninspired to write... and then the next day my mind will be overflowing and jumbled.
My scrapbooking is suffering due to my blog.
I do not handle disappointment well... it makes me so sad, and then it takes a while for me to recover.
When my husband lets me cut his hair with the clippers, I just laugh... and laugh... and laugh the whole time. He doesn't let me do it too often anymore!)
I am so blessed to have the two best behaved kids ever... really.
Okay... that's enough.

Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. -Henry Van Dyke

Happy A to Z Monday... and Happy Groundhog Day, too!