hello wednesday

As I returned to the treadmill once again, I have fallen in love with the shuffle setting on my ipod.  It keeps me guessing.  And moving.  I even kept moving when the beat slowed to almost nothing and Amy Grant sang Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, early in the morning my song shall rise to thee.  And I praised Him for the moving and the breathing... and the cool breeze wafting into my garage.  Finally, I stepped of the treadmill and out into the air, walking up and down my {very short} street a couple of times.  The breeze was so inviting... life giving.  And again, I feel His breath on my life, filling it with hope. 
The last song of the morning?  Natalie Grant's Perfect People.
I listen and my voice belts out the song inside my head, not wanting to put on a show for the neighbors...

There's no such thing as perfect people, There's no such thing as a perfect life.
So come as you are, broken and scarred.

Oh God, You know my heart... You see the scars and cracks and the sin... and still, You embrace me. 

Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God
Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections

Here is my heart, imperfect beyond measure... time after time I hold it back from You... and once again, I place it in your hands... so amazed by all You provide.

So look up and see love.
Let grace be enough

My eyes are focused on You.  I feel Your love over and around me.  And Your grace.  My heart cries out a thank you as the tears take their place on my face.  Let grace be enough.  I need it to be...

virtual coffee... the real thing

It's Tuesday... time to gather for coffee.
And today?  It's the real thing.  With a splash of sugar-free pumpkin spice syrup.  My throat is feeling better (thank you, doxycyline) and I wil reserve tea-time for this evening when I am craving something sweet.  Tea is under a million calories, you know...
Today, I am wishing we really were meeting up for coffee.  Not only am I feeling better, but my mood is up, infused with hope.  And hope is good, no matter where it is directed. And if we were really meeting today, I'd tell you that fall is in the air, or at least the mirage of fall.  Pumpkin patches are appearing along-side the roads, there is cider in my fridge, and there was chili on my table... even though the afternoons are still reaching 86 degrees. 

If we were really meeting for coffee today... I might share that I had to dish out some tough love this weekend.  Oh, it hurt my heart, but it was necessary.  No yelling, no punishments... just a reality check.  I don't think she quite understands what is coming up in her life... and how soon it will arrive, and while I would move heaven and earth for her, there is a point when it is time to sink or swim.  Oh, I hope she swims.

The rest of the weekend?  Well, it was so nice to have nothing on my to-do list!  And my husband was working, so there was no rush to go out and do something.  I did accomplish a few things... like straighten the garage, clean the floor of my sewing room.  And it seems... there is nothing like cleaning up a creative mess to get the creative juices flowing again.  So I spent some time creating a new bible cover, just for fun.  And... on my way from taking Laura to the barn on Saturday, I pulled into an empty parking lot, sat with my coffee and watched this...

I wish you had been here. 

And if we were really meeting for coffee today, I would tell you that I just had my physical.  And just because we are friends... I might ask you if you have had yours.  Because I care about you.  And friends want their friends to be as healthy as they are, right?  For me it is not the actual appointment that keeps me from going... it is the making the appointment, picking up the phone.  But you are important, and worth the trouble.  I won't bug you... just planting the seed.

Happy Tuesday... meeting here with you, in real life or virtually, is a wonderful part of my week.

shine on me

Every day this happens.

Kathleen reminded me of that this weekend... and I was glad of it. Sometimes, I forget the brilliance of a sunrise... here, where we mostly bask in the sunset. And so I set to seeking... and finding. Because the sun rises here too, and there is no reason not to enjoy God's work on both sides of the day.

Returning from dropping Laura at the barn, and just wanting to get home, I noticed the most brilliant swatch of fushia hovering just beyond the trees, and the deep lavender clouds splashed across the sky... and in just a breath, the hurry in me stilled, and my soul was focused on the beauty.

Good morning, sunshine. Good morning, Jesus.

I couldn't resist pulling into an empty parking lot... to simply sit and watch the story. Pink and purple hues fading, oranges turing to soft yellows, golden orb shedding rays of glory over all the earth...

His light on my face. His light... on my life.

At the beginning... and the end.

The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. Numbers 6:25

This morning, the sun danced in the sky behind me... peeked through the trees at me, and laughed in the mirror. And I had to capture the gift in the moment.

The Son and the sunlight... two gifts I could not live without.

camden... in africa

He is the one who, at the most unexpected times, would lean in to me and whisper his excitement about going to see the Serengeti. I would turn to him,  and see his eyes sparkling with joy and expectation, and we would count the months... again.  He is my counter... keeping tabs on the months 'til school is out, the weeks 'til camp, or the days 'til his birthday.  And when the day finally arrives, he is the most joyous... not letting anything get in the way of completely enjoying the moment.  Africa was no different... well, except that it was more. 

On our first day in Tanzania, when we visited Shanga... I turned to find him and he was already deeply involved in a project.  There he sat, working with two women, safety glasses perched on his nose.  Even though the ladies were both deaf, they had communicated to Cam just what to do, and there he was just clipping away at glass corners.  These women & I exchanged smiles, and I felt a swelling in my heart.  For this boy... for who he is, and how he lives. 

We came to Africa to see the world, and in the world, my son rose to every occasion... and amazed me at every turn.   At home, his personality shines, along with the choices he makes for his life... and somehow in Africa, it was tenfold.  He was Mr. Independent... he was our goodwill ambassador.  He made friends with everyone, everywhere... made the most of every opportunity that was offered, and even created some of his own.  Driving through the city streets, or on long dusty roads, there he was... waving to everyone who passed.  His smile was reflected in theirs as they lifted their own hands to return the hello.  In the villages, or at the lodges, Cam brought out legos or frisbees, and started up a game.  Adults, kids... it didn't matter... there was joy in all the faces.  

In the bag of frisbees we brought, there were also balls... and my unathletic son brought that soccer ball out every time he had the chance.  He loved kicking it around with the kids... and was in awe of the way David (our tour leader) could bounce it around, working it off his legs and knees.  Before long, there was a promise of a soccer match... and Cam became  just one of the guys at the Serengeti Camp, welcome at the worker's side of camp anytime.     

While we did stay together for the first game drive and the last, those were the only times I rode with Cam.  He loved the independence, happiest when he was completely without his family accompanying him in the Land Rover, and sitting in front with the drivers.  And the new friends in our tour group?  They couldn't say enough nice things about him, and were happy to have him along in their vehicle.  And though I was not surprised, I was pleased... because if you are retired and going on the trip of a lifetime, I'm not sure travelling with a teenage boy is on the top of your life list. I was concerned about it at first, not wanting them to feel like they had to be in charge of Cam... but it turned out that he was just fine taking care of himself.

We sat together, that last evening... and shared our highlights from the trip.  I had prepared my heart with what I wanted to share, but by the time it was my turn to speak, I was a mess.  Several people had mentioned how special it was to have shared this journey with our family, with our children, with Cam.  One of our guides shared that Camden was actually the highlight of his trip... even with all of the amazing and extraordinary (even for drivers) sights we had seen. 

Oh, this mother's heart came undone...

He is the one... who captured Africa's heart, even as it was capturing his.  It seemed there was not a person we met who was not taken in by his joy and adventure, by the way he embraced it all.  And when it was time to say goodbye... what started as a high five or a polite shake of hands, ended in an embrace.  And the tears started all over again, watching these grown men pull my son into their arms, thankful just to know him.  On the way to the airport, leaving Africa, he was still waving... this time, hanging out the window as much as I would allow.  People smiled, and waved back enthusiastically... children navigated through the crowd on the side of the road and raced with the bus for blocks, just to keep on waving...

If there was ever a boy who make you smile at the world, it would be this one.

Camden in Africa was... truly amazing.