wordless wednesday

{virtual coffee}

Monday seemed to last forever, but here it is Tuesday... at last! And if we were really meeting for coffee this afternoon, the first thing you might notice is my smile... and the way it is reaching all the way up to my eyes.  Not at all like last week.  Thank you... for your prayers and good thoughts, the support and the love you offered.  We are still waiting on the healing, but a peace has come and settled itself over us... God reaching out and reminding us that no matter what the circumstances are, it can still be well with our soul. 

The second thing?  Maybe you would notice my pretty new mug?  I finally made it downtown to pick up the treasures we painted on Laura's birthday.  I am thrilled with how the mug turned out.  I had no ideas and I almost decided not to paint at all... and then Laura & Cam suggested Africa.  That was all it took.  Africa... still tangled up in my heart. And sitting here with my cup of tea, sunshine glinting in through the window, lasagna in the over and no where to be but here, I feel happy. 

I wish I could share some of this sunshine with you... and the beautiful air.  Amy's report of negative degrees reminded me of how much I love Florida winters!  I hope you don't mind if I share some silliness with you... promise you won't hate me though!  The other night a friend posted this on facebook... just bought the last four containers of ice melt on the planet.  I read it, and immediate wondered what ice melt was?  A new kind of ice cream?  Like dippin' dots?  Or....oooohhhhhhhhhhhh.  Oops!  Yes, that is how long I've lived in Florida!!  Go ahead, laugh at me.  No day is complete without a good laugh! 

linking up to Amy's Virtual Coffee... stop on by! 

I hope you laugh today. And find somewhere to warm your toes.
Happy Tuesday!

a memory and more

I settled into my seat and flipped through the bulletin... seeking a glimpse of what God had in store for me this Sunday morning.  A hymn I love, one I don't, a scripture I had never read... and then the Gospel Lesson.  The beatitudes.  I could feel the sigh slink out, and then the smile that snuck up on my face.  The beatitudes are some of the first verses I ever read... not on thin almost-see-through pages, but on colored glass around the church that was my start. 

A girl of ten doesn't quite give her full attention to the speaker before her, and seeks distraction to fill the time.  Daydreamer that I have always been, my eyes would always flee to the window.  Church was no different... except that I focused on the window itself rather than what was just beyond it.  The colors and the swirling vines delighted me, and the words etched themselves within me.  And even though I didn't quite understand them, I felt like we were kindred spirits, those window-words and me.

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kindgom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 
-found in Matthew 5

Today, I find comfort in those words all over again, and with a lot more life behind me, the words stir my spirit and shed light on what is real, where my heart needs to be.  I know that my spirit must cling to God, because I need my Savior.  When my heart breaks over the world, it is in Him I can find comfort... peace.  And am I meek?  I have always believed so... and pictured my shy self peeking from my hiding place in the dark.  But His Light tells me meekness is humble patience... strength under control.  Strength not for my will, but for His purpose.  Maybe I need to take a step closer to meek.  And I am sure, at ten and twelve and twenty, I did not have an inkling about hungering or thirsting for God... but now, most days I crave Him.  I long to be more like Him, and show my little world less of me.  I yearn for the pureness that is Jesus.  And peace?  I yearn for that, too.  At every turn.

I am years and miles and so many states away from the church where I began... but the steeple that reaches into the sky, the sturdy wooden banister that rounds around the bell rope, the altar where I made promises for my life and the windows that declare me blessed will forever be... a part of me.

{virtual coffee}

I felt bad… not showing up for {virtual coffee} yesterday. But I couldn’t find the courage to drag my red-rimmed eyes and my fog- veiled heart out of the house. Or risk someone putting their arms around me, lest I shatter in a million pieces.

My friend is sick.
Yes, cancer.
Second time around.
And I’m sadder than I have been in a really long time.

I sit (and stand and drive and work) in prayer… and ask the God of the universe for healing and peace. I know He can do all things, and even this is not out of His reach… if it is His will. The prayers go ‘round and ‘round through my head and heart and I lay them all in His most capable hands. And then I grab them back greedily and pray some more. As if I can fix this simply by praying enough. I find myself lost and confused… as if by praying the same words over and over again I don’t trust Him enough. Like I think that if I pray longer and louder and then drench the words with tears, He will know how much I desire this. If I didn’t know differently, I could see the logic in that… but I do know differently, I know that God hears every prayer. Whispered, unspoken, shouted and sung. So is it really necessary to pray without ceasing? I don’t know the answer. So I keep on praying. And with the prayers come a few more tears.

In the midst of my own messy emotions, I received an email from my Mom.  If anyone knows how I can pile on the weight of sadness, it is her.  And she wrote... I know that you feel this with every molecule of your being and that you must cry. That is not a bad thing but you must put it in God's hands. You cannot carry the burden by yourself. You can't fix it. You must accept God's will. Dawn, go to your blog and click on "why beyond grace?" read it....and then let God take over....let Him help you to accept His will.  And so I did... even though I was not happy she threw my own words right back at me.  But I suppose, it is a mother's job.  And that very first post I ever wrote... well, it made me cry a little more.  But it also helped me adjust my perspective, and let His grace, and all that it means, wash over my soul.  Thank you, Mom. 

Today I am doing better about holding the tears in check. Because I saw her last night and she looks good and strong. And even in her fear, she exudes such grace. She told me she is due some good news… and so I pray for that… for good news. And if there is not good news? Well, there is Jesus. The best news there is.

I'm link up to Amy's {virtual coffee} even though I am late... because there are good people there... and a few more prayers certainly can't hurt.