taking the first step, again

When I am trying to get motivated to move in the morning, I take care to lay out my shoes and socks, so I won't be fumbling in the dark when the clock glares 5am. Last night, I laid out my bible. And Jesus Calling... because truthfully, He has been, and I haven't been answering. And this morning, I wanted to be able to find my way to the quiet, without fumbling in my own darkness.
As I was catching up on blog reading yesterday, my Goodlife friend Dawn set a challenge before me. Spend 24 hours with God in 24 days. Of course He is worthy of at least that... but the thought of taking on this challenge took the breath from me. I sat and re-read her words... and still, I felt the fear. I asked myself what I was afraid of, because surely nothing bad could come from spending time together with God... except the bad in me. Failure, transparency... guilt. But God already knows all those things that are in me... and still, His love and grace are lavished over me in ways I cannot comprehend.   And so I prayed that He would get me where I needed to be. 
Today I begin my journey anew. This quiet time that I never take, choosing instead to ramble on all day with my Savior. And He speaks right to me.  Days... present a choice between two alternatives- giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. (Jesus Calling, Sarah Young)
And you know what? I already knew that, here in my heart where it counts. I just chose not to live it, not to choose it.  I may not make 24/24... but to choose to close my heart to the idea means choosing not to accept the gift He gives through His word. What if I only accomplish 22/24, or 17/24?  Or even 3/24?  I will still feel His love around me, still know that I have not been rejected... still know that even 3/24 is better than 0/24. 
In the soft glow of the lamp, in the early hours of this morning, in the quiet, here I sat... continuing on with a pile of books that are filled with His words.  Words that are truth and light  ... that are just for me. And just for you. And I pray... give me a fresh hunger to devour the scriptures so that I am not satisfied unless I have been filled with Your truth every day. (Busy Mom's Guide to Prayer, Lisa Whelchel) 
As the sun brings light to the day, I somehow feel it in my soul, too.  No need to wonder how or why God planted these words in these books for today, September 8th... because this girl knows better than to question His knowing... and better than to question His love.

coffee talk

Tuesday afternoons I’ve been peeking in at Amy’s for coffee.
Well, not real coffee… virtual coffee.
And today?
I thought I’d stop in… instead of just peeking through her window.

So, if we were really meeting for coffee today, I’d just have to tell you…
I finished my Africa scrapbook this weekend. For the last three weeks I have put my heart and soul into it.  When I was down to the last few pages, tears caught me by surprise, even though I had been warned. And then, when the album was finally done, I vacuumed the floor. It seriously needed it. Seriously. 

I’d also have to tell you that instead of a traditional Labor Day BBQ, we went out for pizza. With friends. There were eight of us, four kids, four adults… and we let the kids all ride in one car and the adults were in the other. It was… surreal. I’ve known Char for 13 years… and to see she & Laura hop into a car on their own, then add in a brother each, was mind-boggling. That this much time had passed, that I am getting… old. But at the same time, it was really cool.

Before I let you chat on and on, I might just ask you for a prayer… for friends. A husband who leaves for Afganistan on Monday, and his family who will most certainly be missing them. Thanks…

in the sharing

I lost track of time while we were in Africa this summer. The days went by with joy and so much excitement... and without me putting a name to them.  Monday?  Wednesday?  I didn't know, and it was nice not needing  to know.  Just over halfway though the trip, someone spoke the day outloud, and my mind immediately set to counting.  With a smile, I realized that there was so much time remaining!  After a few more days though... I could feel the days slipping away.  It was so hard to leave... to leave the beauty, to leave the experience... and have it all behind me.  Done, after so many months of anticipation.  Coming home was bittersweet.  But then there were the pictures and the stories and friends who genuinely wanted to know all about it.  And in the sharing... the journey has continued.  Africa is still alive in my heart, and the stories are still vivid... and thankfulness abounds.  I love that sharing has so much power. 

So thank you... for allowing me to share, for encouraging me to continue.  It is a gift to my heart and soul.

Celebrating YOU on this Tuesday...

the album

With so many beautiful photos and so many tidbits of information and quite a few stories, it was tough to organize a photo album for Africa... to get it all in. I've been working on it for weeks, first taking over the kitchen table, then adding a card table to the mix. Eric has been great, only rolling his eyes occasionally, and making a brief comment about the second table. But it was important to me. I have not scrapbooked in two years... since just after the beginning of this blog, since taking a year round job. And while being buried in the mess this time around... the strips of paper, scraps of photos... I realize how much I miss it. I put together a quick digital album at Walgreens, and while I love the way it turned out, there is something about that creative mess that appeals to me. One of these days... I am going to get back to my family albums.
Yesterday, as I was finishing up the last few pages of the Africa album, I fell to tears. Not just the slip-down-your-face-almost-unnoticed kind, but the shoulder-wrenching-sobbing kind. My Mom warned me by text message last week... but I didn't really think it would happen, at least not these strong tears. But it was like leaving Africa all over again. I have yet to sit and read the album cover to cover... the anticipation may be worse than the reality, but just the thought of re-reading the blog posts I included has my insides shaking.
So, it is done... with the exception of five blog posts yet to write. That is not a promise that there are only five Africa posts left in me... that is just what I left room for, planned for. This morning my Mom is going to come over so I can share it with her. I hope she didn't put her make-up on yet...