September 08, 2010
taking the first step, again
As I was catching up on blog reading yesterday, my Goodlife friend Dawn set a challenge before me. Spend 24 hours with God in 24 days. Of course He is worthy of at least that... but the thought of taking on this challenge took the breath from me. I sat and re-read her words... and still, I felt the fear. I asked myself what I was afraid of, because surely nothing bad could come from spending time together with God... except the bad in me. Failure, transparency... guilt. But God already knows all those things that are in me... and still, His love and grace are lavished over me in ways I cannot comprehend. And so I prayed that He would get me where I needed to be.
Today I begin my journey anew. This quiet time that I never take, choosing instead to ramble on all day with my Savior. And He speaks right to me. Days... present a choice between two alternatives- giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. (Jesus Calling, Sarah Young)
And you know what? I already knew that, here in my heart where it counts. I just chose not to live it, not to choose it. I may not make 24/24... but to choose to close my heart to the idea means choosing not to accept the gift He gives through His word. What if I only accomplish 22/24, or 17/24? Or even 3/24? I will still feel His love around me, still know that I have not been rejected... still know that even 3/24 is better than 0/24.
In the soft glow of the lamp, in the early hours of this morning, in the quiet, here I sat... continuing on with a pile of books that are filled with His words. Words that are truth and light ... that are just for me. And just for you. And I pray... give me a fresh hunger to devour the scriptures so that I am not satisfied unless I have been filled with Your truth every day. (Busy Mom's Guide to Prayer, Lisa Whelchel)
As the sun brings light to the day, I somehow feel it in my soul, too. No need to wonder how or why God planted these words in these books for today, September 8th... because this girl knows better than to question His knowing... and better than to question His love.