March 31, 2009

on the edge

If you know me well... you know. You know that I have been dreading turning the page... from March to April. For the past nine years... April has been my least favorite month of the year... filled to the rim with sorrow and tears. But I want to grow... I want to reach for hope and for healing. I want not to feel the tremble in my heart as March begins its descent into April. But how? How can I feel the joy of spring when my heart is missing those people who left this earth in April? And how can I not feel the pain of those nails that pierced the most loving hands ever created... the darkness of Good Friday? My mind knows how the story ends... but my heart... it aches, even now. But I want to focus on the light... the promise of Heaven... the glorious Son-rise. And maybe this is my year. As I dip my toes into the puddles of tears... left by my April showers, I am stepping out in faith... with great hope. I am stepping out and letting go... not of my memories, but of the darkness. And just maybe... as I search, I will see how the sun glints off of the tears... and creates a thousand beams of light.

9 comments:

Rosemarie said...

I am so sorry you are going through a hard time right now. I think different times of the year are hard for everyone. It's funny because April is my favorite month because my little girls were born - but for some reason August seems to drag me down. I will be praying for you this month.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I know this is tough for you....you are strong..you can get through.

K said...

My son was born on Good Friday (two weeks early).

Makes for an intersting Easter season in our house.

I hope this April is one of hope for you.

Calming Scents said...

good post, and i think your right..we have to focus on the outcome, not the moment. to me Good Friday is a great hope,,we know what is to come. its about conquering--not defeat.

Songbirdtiff said...

I think that it is ok to be sad, as long as you have HOPE! Don't scold yourself for being human and feeling those human emotions. Just remember that there is redemption, and that our redeemer lives. Because HE lives we can see our loved ones again, even though we grieve for their absence here. He knows and understands.

I'll pray especially for you today.

Barely Domestic Mama said...

It sounds like April is a rough month for you. I'll be praying you make it through peacefully.

Kay said...

I'm sorry you're hurting. The end of March and the beginning of April marks a difficult time for us too. An unhappy 'anniversary' comes this Sunday. *long sigh*

I know. Sometimes that's all anyone can say.

And I'm praying for you.
Hugs!
~kay

Shelley said...

Sorry to hear about your sadness associated with April - I hope you can create some positives out of this month. (On my grandpa's bday and the anniversary of when he left this world - I always donate to a wildlife or nature charity because I know he loved them so!)

Cassie said...

April is a rough one for me too, but with Easter falling this month we do have such joy to celebrate. I hope your sadness lifts with the hope of things to come. Don't let the sadness steal your joy.
Thank you for being a blessing to us in blogland! Now, blessings to you!