November 19, 2009

searching for the season


There is no company coming. There is no food to prepare... besides the Congo Squares, which will only take an hour. All I am expected to do is show up... and really, that is okay. But it is just one week away... and this girl is desperately searching for Thanksgiving. I have stepped forward with a thankful heart, as I do most days. I have decked out my house in all sorts of fall splendor. I have made lists of the blessings He has bestowed on me, and still... I feel like I am missing something. Even the cat seems to have more holiday spirit than me... and it leaves me feeling all muddled inside.
I suppose I am missing the trees and the colors. The green palms are swaying, and many are already adorned with white twinkling lights. There is not a stitch of fall left in the stores... or even a stray orange sprinkle. I long to sit in the open arms of fall... but in my busyness, have I forgotten how to rest? I have been going full-steam ahead for weeks now... just placing one foot in front of the other... trying to make it through. But while my feet are running, my heart seems to be lagging behind... and I realize I just need to slow down if I am to enjoy anything at all. My heart need not rush trying to catch up with the world and dive right on into Christmas.
Perhaps there is too much pressure... to feel. Shouldn't it be enough to play with my family the day before Thanksgiving, and mix up those Congo Squares, and maybe a batch of blessings mix? To snuggle up on the couch and wait for those magnificent balloons to fly? To join my parents and share a holiday meal, with God in the midst of it all?
As I lay out these plans... I wonder why I am searching for something I already have. And today... instead of slogging through my blessings and checking them off like a grocery list, I will choose to splash in them.

7 comments:

Kay said...

Your cat pic is cute. : )

I know what you mean. It's very hard to even think about Thanksgiving when everything around us is pushing toward the commercialism of Christmas. *sigh*

Kelli said...

The world rushes us into Christmas and even the New Year. I'm with you on slowing down to savor these last couple of months. Praying you find time to have peace and quiet!!!

jenn said...

you are wise--enjoy your many blessings--splash them all around!

dawn said...

I understand this...I think the commercialism of every holiday has us expecting some rush of feelings that are actually manufactured for the tv screen and photo shoot.

I'm not cynical, I just think that we unconsciously expect something at the holidays that in actuality we have around us all the time.

I liked this post, Dawn. Helps me feel that I'm not the only one wanting to slow down enough to feel it all.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I think you are doing to much and it clearly has 'muddled' your brain. Glad to see you are going to splash in your blessings and you will enjoy your day with your family. Promise.

BTW: I think what scout is doing to that Turkey might be against the law.

Did you realize that we have NOT had our "publix" dinner night??? If we missed it, I am going to be so mad, SO MAD!!!!

K said...

I can't really travel at this point and all our family is "too busy" to come to us so it's just going to be the three of us this year.

I'm a little bummed, but I'm trying to look at it like a special time for the three us to share before the choas of new baby. One last holiday with just my first born.

I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Kat said...

I need to stop checking off my blessings like a grocery list, too...

And your kitty picture is too cute. It makes me (=