blue bear

While my kiddos are traveling through the mountains with their grandparents, I have time on my hands. Lovely time... to do with whatever I please. Today my hubby & I will take in a matinee, but the last couple of days have brought the urge to straighten and sort. I have found myself in their rooms... just tidying up. Not the good spring cleaning that is long overdue, but the kind that includes sweeping surfaces clean, making beds... just enough so that I can leave the doors open and not want to run screaming when I wander by. So here and there, I am making some progress. And last night I pulled down a box from Cam's closet... his memory box. There were several things waiting on the shelf beside it, just waiting to join ranks. But as a Mama is prone to do... I dug down deep in the box and reveled in the smallness that once was. The tiny booties and the once-shiny silver spoon... the brittle pacifier and the Guess-How-Much-I-Love-You-Bunny. Oh I know now... that I didn't enjoy it as I should have. I didn't grasp onto the days as I wish I would have. But the moment has passed, and the lessons have been learned. One disappointment was what wasn't in the box. I feared that it might not be... and to find that I was right saddened me just a touch more. Blue Bear. A gift from a girl I worked with... soft aqua blue... squishy and scented with chamomile for a good night's rest. Oh how my Cammie loved Blue Bear. They spent every night snuggled together, Cam asleep within moments of being laid down. By day Blue Bear was dragged and tumbled and gnawed on. I'm not sure I even have a photo of the two of them together... but it was love. And I wished that Blue Bear had been in that box. How could I not have saved him... Pushing on, I decided to clear the rest of the closet shelf. Sweaters and blankets and old school papers. Beanie babies and marble track... and suddenly there he was.

Blue Bear. Tattered and stained and not even a faint whisper of chamomile remaining... but love oozed from every stitch of him.

Blue Bear is my gift this week. Maybe the reminder I needed, that no matter how much I think I didn't cherish those long ago moments... I actually did. And it does a heart some good.

Wander over to to discover a few more everyday gifts...
at Emily's Chatting at the Sky.

y is for...

yellow.

And my favorite yellow... is when the sunlight skips in through the window and sends itself skittering across the floor... creating lacy patterns that dance on the wall.

I wonder what my a to z friends thought of for "y!" Pop on over to Jen's Unglazed and find out! All I know is that there was a lot of y-ning about "y" going on this week!

worth the wait

Hii-iii!
Hi Cam.
Hi Mom!

My heart took a deep breath... upon hearing his little voice across the miles, after not hearing it for a week. All morning I watched the clock, and as the sun stretched up towards 9am, I toted two phones around the house, not knowing which would ring.

I love this camp he has been at. I love that Cam loves it, and that Laura loved it. The week flew by so quickly for me... but more so for him, I am sure. A week full of swimming and archery, new friends and lucky six-rolling hair. A week of funny kids, and being their calm when they were searching for it. A week of being that go-to guy. His counselor relayed that he was more than a star camper... that they just don't come better than Cam. It is nothing this Mama doesn't already know... but to hear it from an unbiased source, well, it means the world.

And so they are off... my children and their Grandparents. Off to discover new places, and settle in the comfort of others revisited. In three weeks I'll put my arms around them again. So... will I miss them? I feel like to miss them would mean I would wish them home... and to wish them home would mean them missing extraordinary opportunities that I cannot give them. So, I will think about them and I will revel in their stories when they call... and I'll know it was worth the wait when they traipse up the walkway with their arms open wide, smiles across their sun-kissed faces, weary from adventure.

we were that close

I am like any other mother... all I want for my children is every possible opportunity... certainly not limited to a relationship with Jesus... success in what they love... and a chance to be the "one" chosen for the Shamu show. And I think you have to believe it can happen... in order to even have the chance. We were really close on this trip... as "Kenny" walked out of the restroom, covering her neck with wet paper towels to dispel the heat just a bit, we struck up a conversation. About the weather, about the day... about sitting in the front row to get wet. Camden loves to sit in the splash zone... and on a day that the heat index was reaching up over one hundred, I was certainly not opposed to cooling off. "Kenny" could certainly see the joy in my young son's face... I'm confident she saw a bit of his heart for wildlife, and for just having fun. Then she asked him his age, and he happily replied 12! She told us to look for her up front... she would save us a seat. My mind was racing- was she choosing him? Dawn, do not get your hopes up. Do not say anything to Cam. Dawn, stop thinking about it. If it happens, it happens.

Entering the arena, we rushed to the front, saving seats for Laura & Eric, who were still cooling themselves in the Arctic exhibit. Our spot? Second row... dead center. Camden waved to "Kenny" and gave her a nice hello. After a few minutes, she came over to me quietly and whispered in my ear. I picked him, but then I couldn't pick him... because the child has to be between eight and ten. I'm sorry. I smiled, and thanked her. I think that he had the possibility was more than I had ever really expected. Hoped for? No, but expected. Yes. He was that close...

Although my dear daughter was not as thrilled as I, about our much coveted seats, she managed to enjoy the show. Eric was also not particularly thrilled, but I was certain that we would not get as wet as the other sections, being as this was much further back with Shamu's platform in front of us. And I did promise Laura, that I would not mind if she walked up a few rows right before the major splashing began. She chose to stay... and through her glare, I could see her smile. And it was great to cool off, even if she wouldn't admit it. Yes, we got more than splashed, but in the moment I felt refreshed and alive. Would I sit there again? Yes... because sometimes you have to grab life and let it spill all over your soul... even in the form of chilly salt water.
I loved being front and center for the show... I felt that given the opportunity I could have reached out and caressed that beautiful God-created creature. Absolutely breath-taking. Oh yes, we were that close...