February 21, 2010

the mess of less

She asked and I said No. I'm actually doing really great. But here I sit... two weeks later, reflecting and thinking, Maybe I am. Because I am dragging. Maybe I am not quite out from under my cold... and maybe I am just dwelling in my mess. But either way, it tells me that perhaps I am in a crisis of sorts...
I certainly am feeling like I am not enough.
And too much, as that number on the scale taunts me and reminds me again that I am not giving it my all. And I let it define me... as less.
I wanted the cheeriness of the Valentine decorations to brighten my mood... but even the sun shining through pink glass hearts did not pull my smile all the way up through my eyes.
The other night... Camden crawled under the entertainment center to turn the white twinkle lights on for me. Yes, the ones that are strung in my paper snowflake garland. I had added some red heart doilies. That light? It brought me joy. Today it brings along a realization. The Light. It is missing from me. I have let too much distance grow in between me and that Light. And in this moment it comes to me. Jesus is the only one who can stop the less and bring the more... and I know just what I need to do.

In your ocean I am ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe.

I just want something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful.

-lyrics from Something Beautiful, NeedtoBreathe

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6 comments:

togetherforgood said...

Your words bring me closer to the Light. :) Praying for a smile that reaches your eyes.

tracie @ {tsj} photography said...

beautiful! and i LOVE that song!!

dawn said...

First of all--wowzee! You changed your blog! Love it!! I'm such a blue and white gal. :)

Second of all I love this post. Jesus is the only one who can stop the less and bring the more...YES.

Blessings to you as you reach out towards the Light.

hugs to you friend.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I hope and pray that you feel that light soon...because believe it or not, you give that light to many people. Especially to me.
xoxoxo
Suz

Cassie said...

FYI: The photo for this post isn't showing up. Next, you are such a lovely lady. I'm glad you know our maker and strive to grow closer to Him. We all have peaks and valleys and Jesus knows us and where we are all the time. He will never let His get too far from Him.

Life with Kaishon said...

I feel so much like how you feel. I hope you feel better soon Dawn.