It is no secret that I have been struggling. My smile and my laughter have been playing hide and seek with my heart, and it has been harder and harder to be the seeker. I figured I would feel better once the antibiotic kicked in and banished the sinus infection... but still, I fought to keep my head up. Turning to the words of the Lover of my soul helped. I prayed and begged to be me again... and while hope filled me, I wondered if there was something more. Eric has tolerated my whining with love and humor... and he has sopped up tears with his shoulder. Over the weekend I sensed a change in my breathing, and wondered if I was still not well. Still, I kept on wrapping myself in God's loving words. And the more I read, the more I felt cushioned by His mercy.
Yesterday... I gave in and headed to the doctor, even though I felt pretty okay. I half expected the doctor to say I was just fine... lingering cough. But instead, I found myself half covered with a flimsy gown waiting for a chest x-ray... to rule out walking pneumonia. Although I didn't really think pneumonia was a plus in my column, I was relived that I was not crazy. I usually wait to visit the doctor. Until I am sure I am really sick. Too sick. But not this time... I am trying to take better care of myself and know that I am worth a trip to the doctor now and again.
The verdict? Bronchitis. Again. My doctor, she looked into my eyes and said You were right to come. You needed to be here. And I wheezed a sigh of relief.
So here I am... being thankful for a bout of bronchitis. Feeling hopeful that the medicine will do its job. And certain that I won't even have to seek that smile... it will come out of hiding all on its own.