February 24, 2010

sick can drag you down

It is no secret that I have been struggling. My smile and my laughter have been playing hide and seek with my heart, and it has been harder and harder to be the seeker. I figured I would feel better once the antibiotic kicked in and banished the sinus infection... but still, I fought to keep my head up. Turning to the words of the Lover of my soul helped. I prayed and begged to be me again... and while hope filled me, I wondered if there was something more. Eric has tolerated my whining with love and humor... and he has sopped up tears with his shoulder. Over the weekend I sensed a change in my breathing, and wondered if I was still not well. Still, I kept on wrapping myself in God's loving words. And the more I read, the more I felt cushioned by His mercy.
Yesterday... I gave in and headed to the doctor, even though I felt pretty okay. I half expected the doctor to say I was just fine... lingering cough. But instead, I found myself half covered with a flimsy gown waiting for a chest x-ray... to rule out walking pneumonia. Although I didn't really think pneumonia was a plus in my column, I was relived that I was not crazy. I usually wait to visit the doctor. Until I am sure I am really sick. Too sick. But not this time... I am trying to take better care of myself and know that I am worth a trip to the doctor now and again.
The verdict? Bronchitis. Again. My doctor, she looked into my eyes and said You were right to come. You needed to be here. And I wheezed a sigh of relief.
So here I am... being thankful for a bout of bronchitis. Feeling hopeful that the medicine will do its job. And certain that I won't even have to seek that smile... it will come out of hiding all on its own.


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16 comments:

Nancy said...

So glad you went to the doctor. I know what you mean when you just don't feel like yourself and yes, being sick can really bring you down. Wishing you a speedy recovery and getting back to yourself.

Kay said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry you've got bronchitis. So not fun. I'm getting over it and I don't think I've ever coughed so much in my life. It's hard when you can't breathe. Hoping you feel better soon! : )

togetherforgood said...

When I was a senior in high school, I got extremely depressed-- like nearly suicidally so. Turns out I had mono. My moods, especially in the winter, are linked so closely to how I feel physically. The mono made me so tired I couldn't function. Even now when I start to feel depressed I consider sleep my first line of defense. :) Hope you get to feeling better, and that the smiles will be bursting from you any day now.

Get Real Girl said...

I am so glad that you went to the doctor. I hope that you start to feel yourself again really soon. Sick can just take everything out of you. Isn't it wonderful that we can find comfort in the Lord.

dawn said...

so sorry to hear your are so sick...but SO glad you went to the doctor. Be gentle with yourself, Dawn and with your expectations of yourself...you'll come out the other end. In the meantime, lean on Him.

Love you, sickie.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am so glad you did not wait any longer. THIS TIME. Remember 3 strikes and you are out Sister. Get better. Rest. You will be back to your happy self again.
xoxox
Suz

Corinne said...

I'm glad you went - as mothers sometimes it's so hard to take the time to acknowledge that things aren't right with us, that we need the help.
Rest up!! Feel better soon!

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

Oh, Dawn. So glad you went to the doc.
I had bronchitis a while back and it should be called Knock-You-On-Your-Butt-itis or something much meaner than it currently is.
Praying for a quick recovery to your usual self.

PS- LOVING the new graphics!

Jo@Mylestones said...

Oh hon, I hope you are feeling better soon. Feeling poorly physically definitely impacts our moods big time. Hang in there.

Jami @ livelaughlove5 said...

Dawn - I feel for you. Glad you now know and can get the meds going! Praying you get your smile back quickly!

Jen said...

Well wishes & prayers for you.

Kelli said...

Bronchitis is nasty to put it mildly. Had it, hate it and thankful it's gone. Hope you feel better soon!! It was wise of you to listen to your intuition!!!

Dayle said...

Sending get-well wishes your way.

imoomie said...

Pamper yourself...hope your feeling good as new soon!

K said...

I hope you get better soon!

My house is full of sick people too - it's enough to get anybody down.

Cassie said...

Oh dear Dawn, you take care of yourself! GET well Soon!!
(just said a prayer for you)
xx-C