February 19, 2013

when you cannot run...

Well, everybody's got a story to tell... And everybody's got a wound to be healed.
I want to believe there's beauty here...  {lyrics...I need You Now by Plum}

In my flight, He pursues me.
I run away, seeking a spot to hide.
I long for the blankets that absorbed my tears, as I safely burrowed beneath them. But that was then,  and this is now... out in the air, knowing that this palm at the far corner of the church garden cannot begin to hide me and the tears that run in rivers. I do not rail... just let the tears and the sad fall down...

I do not hear the door, but I see her and know... that this is where it ends.  That I must face the music... that I must open my heart to her. She wraps me in her love and covers me. Oh Lord let Dawn feel your arms around her...

Oh! prayers and love... they can do what blankets cannot.
And in His pursuit, I am found... and the hiding that I seek is worthless. 

Is there beauty here? It was never lost... only I was lost. Lost in the struggles of tubes and catheters and pain and gloom. Of embarrassment and ick and wanting what is not mine, not yet.

How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?

It has been more than a week since all of this mess... and in a week, my world, or perhaps just my head, has turned around.  I am thankful to breathe and see and the routine of this ick is becoming rote.  And the beauty?  It is easier to see, as I acknowledge that I am not in this alone... that when I run, even away, He is by my side.


Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, you take my breath away.
Love you my sweet friend.

Gabe said...

Oh its so easy to run away, isnt it. At least in the short term. Good thing Grace and Friends don't let you stay hidden:)

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful. <3 It's in your heart, and all the ugly in the world can't hide it or take it away. :)

Pam said...

There is so much ugly in the world. So much that we would rather hide from. I hate needles and dr appointments too. I begin to dread and realize my joy is gone, only to be reminded that He brings peace. So glad you are finding Him in the midst of all the 'ick'. Wish I could reach out and hug you and make it all go away, beautiful friend!

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