February 11, 2013

with angel wings

There is a path I've been walking... one that I wish had a detour sign planted right in the middle. I'd really like to go another way. I've alluded to it in the past weeks, and promised an explanation, although I'd truly love to keep the ugly from my beautiful space. I'm okay with messy... but this?  So I am taking a deep breathe, and from under damp down-cast lashes, I will just whisper... urology trouble.

It makes me squirm to say it. Uncomfortable and embarrassing... but He still promises to meet me where I am.  Just so happens that today that place is a big 'ol Eeyore sized pity-party. My gray droopy streamers are just as I want them and the balloons are all deflated on the cold dark floor. The truth is, I'm okay.  It is nothing life-threatening... just icky.

So why do I blurt it out at all?
To keep it all in, means leaving the blessings locked away in darkness... and they are good.
Oh-so-good that they deserve the be celebrated. 

To keep it all in would mean that I could not share the fact that during pre-op, I was in Ann's hospital, and came to know immediately why she loved it so. Every person showed such care to me, and I was so reminded of her. The tears fell while my blood filled vial after vial... and that led to sharing about my beautiful friend.  The travelling nurse had only heard of her, but through me, she was overjoyed to know her. Faith was shared and embraced, and I left that small room feeling Ann smiling around me. Blessed.

To keep it all in would mean that you would not hear my gasp when my pre-surgery nurse introduced herself as... Angel. And there it was, right on her name tag. And then? The OR nurse? She had a lovely colorful angel pinned right on her scrubs, and when I complimented it, it was her gasp I heard as she shared that it was for her granddaughter...

To keep it all in would mean that my dear friends and family, who have checked on me daily and prayed for me at every turn, might not know how much I appreciate them, or how loved they make me feel. Like Facebook on your birthday. Yep. That great.

And so the story will go on... ugly pain mixed with the most lovely blessings.
God doesn't take the ugly lightly, you know... and He cares so much that He paints right over it with love. You just have to push the gloomy streamers out of the way to see his masterpiece...



Southern Gal said...

And you, my friend, bring honor and glory to His name in every circumstance. I'm so glad to know you through the blog world.
I'm studying James - Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.

You're developing perseverance through all this. This valley will only be for a while. Hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking of ugly lately. That sounds weird, huh? But in church we've been studying the Tabernacle and the clothing that God commanded the priests to wear. It was all so elaborate and beautiful, and then, before it could ever be used, it had to all be consecrated. And do you know how they consecrated it? They sacrificed animals and sprinkled their blood all over everything. And they anointed everything with oil, too, which might have smelled better than the blood, but you know how grease stains are.

And it just made me think-- this is the price we pay because of sin-- when God made this world and all of us so beautiful, we sinned, and made it ugly. And God found a way, an ugly, hideous, beautiful way, to redeem it and make it holy again-- through the death of His Son.

Somehow our God makes even the ugly beautiful. Because He is amazing, so amazing. And He takes all of our ugly, and our embarrassing, and our secret stuff we'd just rather not talk about, and He sprinkles it with the blood of a His Son made ugly by our sins, and only in God's math can ugly + ugly = beautiful. Because He's just fabulous that way. <3

I love you so much and I hope you're on the road to recovery from all this. Hang in there, dear friend!

Dayle ~ A Collection of Days said...

Sometimes all you can do is slosh through the rain and know that the rainbow will show up.

Wishing you a restful day and complete recovery.

Corinne Cunningham said...

You've been in my thoughts, lady! I didn't know what was happening, and didn't want to pry, but you've been in my prayers. Much love to you, always!

Anonymous said...


Busy Bee Suz said...

Persevering with Grace. That is YOU.

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