April 03, 2013

when the breathing is hard...

Off they went... father and daughter... off to see the future.
I really didn't mind not going along... I knew they could handle it without me. 
And if one of us was going to pick the apartment without the other, better him than me. 

Yes, I said apartment

The time has come... for the future to begin.  I have been holding on for this very moment... anticipating it with great joy and relief.  But tonight... after a couple quick messages, fewer pictures, and a signed lease, I can barely breathe.


My heart aches.  Tears are stinging and I refuse to let them fall. 
How can I feel so sure she needs to be away and so unsure about sending her off at the same time? 
I wonder how much knowledge I can fit into one month. One

In a fit of swallowing hard and holding back tears I type out a desperate note to my forever friend... i am freeeeaaaaa-king out.  And she replies with the words I need most: just breathe. and trust. you've raised her well.  she will be okay.  you can do this and you will be in awe of her. i promise.

She would know.
With daughters only six months apart, she has been my go-to girl... for sixteen years.

When they arrived home from making their way up the state and back, I was glad for safe and sound.  But more glad for the look in her eye.  You are excited?  She might have said yes, but I was so enthralled with the glow of her face that I only read her answer.  And so in one short month, we will stack boxes and memories and love into the back of the car, and head off for her next adventure.  And though it is only a month, and communication between there and here can be instant, the last two sentences in this post remind me that I've been preparing for this moment forever...

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
.e.e.cummings
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8 comments:

kim said...

Oh Dawn. I can't imagine the emotions. Why can't we just hold on to them forever? I know that time goes by so quickly and that soon enough, I will be in the very same position as you....and I am dreading it.
Stay strong. She is such an amazing woman (yes, woman.) She may be leaving home, but she is not leaving your heart. You and I both know the strong bond between a mother and a daughter and you two are no different.
You are an incredible mom. I am so very sure that Laura already knows this. I am pretty sure too, that even if she is glowing with excitement, she is also freeeeeaaking out a bit inside. She will miss you, too. And that's okay. It just shows how very much she loves you.
Try to look ahead to all the fun visits you will have with her and all the stories she will share with you about her adventures.
And lastly..breathe.
Love you.

Anonymous said...

Not that my words mean much. You have raised a wonderful daughter. She is ready to spread her wings and fly. It's never easy...let me tell ya!!! I for one am so proud of her I could bust at the seams!!! Give her a hug and all my best. Everything will be okay :)
Renee'

Gabe said...

Oh I am dreading this...really dreading it! But its how things are supposed to be and we have to cling to Him and know that He loves them more than we do...but living away from home????

Praying for ya friend!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Thanks for making me cry.
What? You were not surprised?
"How can I feel so sure she needs to be away and so unsure about sending her off at the same time?"
How I love that line up there....so true. Spreading her wings is so important and i know that she will somehow 'wing it' like a champ. If not, she will call her Dad. LOL :)
Love to you all. This will be a memorable month full of lessons. For you both.
XOXO

Southern Gal said...

The words of your forever friend made me tear up. It's true, you know. It is so hard, yet we trust in the One who gave them to us to continue in His care of them when they leave us. I'm sending hugs across the miles...to all of you.

Kay said...

Wow...I can feel the struggle in your words. You know this is right and yet it's hard. I so get that. You wouldn't be a mom if you weren't happy/sad to see her go. : ) She's amazing and she is ready and she will do great. And so will you. Hugs! : )

tracie stier-johnson said...

ahhh ... what a wise forever friend you have!! you have raised her well and she'll do well in this world. it's so hard to give them the reins, yet want to hold on tightly. you're a beautifully wonderful mother and you always will be. lots of love and prayers to you friend!!

jenn said...

{tears}. You have a beautiful girl who is making her dreams come true.... What a gift! I know she got there with the love and support of a fabulous mom and dad! Love to you all!!