{virtual coffee} 16

Today it is vanilla with a splash of gingerbread. 
I'm down to the last bottle in my holiday hoarded stash, and I'm trying to use it sparingly... so just a splash is good.

Eyes are open and I'm searching... for the even keel.  May is hanging on by a thread, and yet the crazy has thrown its line over to June and seems content to just hang on.  But just eight days left of school... and maybe we'll cut that crazy and let it spin off into the wind.  It isn't like me... to wish the time away.  I'd rather savor the moments and stretch them out.  If only it weren't for the crazy...

If we were really meeting for coffee today, I hope it would be somewhere outside... where the sun is shining and the breeze is cool.  And if there was sand or surf involved, you wouldn't hear me complaining!  Mostly though, I'd just be happy to see your smiling face and catch up.  I've been out of the loop... both loops- writing and reading.  Slowly but surely, I am finding my way back. 

Was your weekend wonderful? 
Our was mostly uneventful, but still very nice.  Eric was working, picked up an extra shift... and I spent the time laying low and crafting away (graduation gifts, teacher gifts... just for fun stuff.)  My body has been telling me to slow down... on top of the crazy, I have had two allergic reactions to my allergy shots.  One episode of my throat closing up and one of burning skin.  Both have left me slightly shaken and certainly short of breath... but I am still going ahead, hoping that these shots really will be the end of my winter bronchitis bouts!  We did manage to make time to visit with friends over the weekend... burgers on the grill, corn on the cob and all the other delights that promise summer is coming!

OH!  and I almost forgot the band awards ceremony and dance on Friday night (that seems so long ago!) 

She had as much fun as she allowed herself... I believe she said she was "unsocially-social" which apparently means no dancing.  But she looked beautiful and her eyes sparkled when she showed me the 2012 pin she'll tack onto her band letter.  2012... oh that is but a breath away...

I hope your Tuesday doesn't feel too much like a Monday... and that the week bops along at just-the-right-speed. 
Thank you for the coffee visit... I think my heart truly needed it. 

be open

Our church building is becoming more magificent by the day... and as I watch it grow, my dreams grow alongside it.  And to walk through the Early Learning Center, that will be our mission, is to feel and know that God has so many more dreams to nourish.  Though the rooms are empty and the walls are blank, I can imagine the children who will laugh there... who will learn there... who will press their hands along the walls and mark it as Jesus has marked my own heart with His hands.  For a flash, I wish my kids were actually little again... but then the warm memories of their own preschool flood over me and I know that the Holy Spirit dwelled in that space, too.  And finding that space?  Oh... it was surely a gift straight from the Maker. 
Laura was signed up for a different pre-school.  All dressed up for the big first day, smile wide with nervous excitement and hands grasping a yellow beanie cat for courage, we arrived... and the doors were locked up, with no one in sight.  I never did find out what happened.  Home again, with plans dashed and one disappointed little girl, we started scouring the phone book... and of course, anywhere that we called was full with a waiting list.  There I sat, on the nubby green carpet with the yellow pages spread out before me... discouraged and as disappointed as she.  And then... this little memory of a little girl at a swim lesson snuck into my head.  She was signed up for preschool... and I seemed to recall her Mom saying there were only four kids in her class.  Four.  Certainly not full.  Fingers flew through the pages urging my brain to recall the name of that church... and finally, there it was.  I called... and was invited to head right over for a look.  I met Miss Sherry, and the rest was history.  Beautiful history, spanning two years each for my children and my nephew, one down and one to go for my niece... and all of the years in between.  A place to grow.And that little girl from swim class?  Charlotte.  Best friend of 14 years. 

Divine? 

I don't doubt it for a moment. 

It seems to be what he does best, if we let Him.

Beauty from ashes, success after many trials, trading joy for sorrow. 

Preschool learning is not just for the littles.  I am living proof.  From renewing my faith and beginning me on a true relationship with my Savior to simply being open to possibilities other than my own plans... the rewards and lessons are endless at an age, at every age. 

Be open. 

He has wonderful plans to carry out and dreams to nourish... some we haven't even thought to dream yet.

beauty seeker

Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God. Job 37:14

How often do you simply stop and breathe His wonder into your soul?
The answers in my house would certainly vary… from hardly ever to at least eight times a day. You probably know without me even saying... that I would the be the eight. I can’t help myself. It begins in the darkest hour, as I head out for my walk.  The stars are shining down, giving one last twinkle before the sun rises,  and I cannot help but stop at the end of the road and just look up and marvel at their light.  And if it is the right time of year, when I step out for that same walk, I am enveloped in Jesus air… the sweet heady scent of orange blossoms that I cannot describe as anything but His breath. My friend laughs as I drink it in and let it wrap around my senses.  She knows how much it moves me.  I couldn’t escape its fullness if I tried.

Not too many nights ago, I simply stood in trail of the setting sun.  The light skipped across the gentle waves and made a path across the sea.  The water swished around my ankles and there was nothing in my mind except awe and wonder.  I stood there... and worshipped the the One who painted the sky, the One who taught the birds to fly, the One who showers my life with beauty. 

But it is not just in nature that I find the wonder... it is in the long lashes that scoop out from his (no longer) little boy eyes.  I find it in the sound of her laughter.  I experience it when he leans down and kisses my lips.  And I stop... and quickly catalog the fleeting moment, filing it away with millions of other lovely breaths. 

I don't know why He fills the earth with such glory.  I can't imagine how much more heaven will be if this is what He lays before us now.  But I know to savor these brief treasures... to take the time to be still and thank Him for the beauty. 

The others around me... they may scoff at my delight and they might sigh and speak under their breath that she can't look at the sky once without exclaiming.  But I cannot stop my eyes from connecting with my heart.  I cannot let the lovely pass me by.  And so I add to the list of who I am... beauty seeker, one who sets her eyes on gifts from above.

...originally guest-posted  by me at Sharon's Hiking Toward Home.

it has all but begun...

Beautiful mail has been arriving in my mailbox. 

Beautiful mail, announcing a huge milestone.  And these lovely girls, celebrating the end of high school and their next steps out into the great wide world, are each just six months older than my girl, my Laura.  I stare in wonder, and I know that these cards means the end of the road for my denial.  Here we are, on the verge of Senior year, and I can no longer not think ab out it, no longer pretend it is not coming.  Especially when a senior photo was taken and chosen for the Class of 2012 yearbook this week.  Especially when she comes home chattering away that during the pep rally Friday the Seniors paraded out and the Juniors made their way over to the Senior seats in the gym.  Yes, this last year of high school is all but here.  Too few weeks of summer, and the end begins. 

I watch her and wonder if she is ready.  If I have done my job.  If I have provided her with the experiences and confidence and love that she will need to build her own life.  The neighbor raves on and on about how she has grown up... how speaking with her is like speaking to a grown up.  My eyes tell their own story, and yet she persists.  I don't quite see it for myself, but maybe I just won't allow it.  Her thin, blond, wispy hair floating around her wide-eyed little girl face is often all my heart can see.   She'll always be my little girl, won't she? 

If I'm honest, I know the answer is no.  And if I'm a little bit more honest, I know the answer is I don't want her to be.  I want her to be... herself.  I want her to grow beyond my dreams for her.  I want her to grasp the very part of this great wide world that God has chosen for her.  So when the worry inches in... I take that deep breath in ... and I remember these words and ask them to imprint themselves on my heart...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   -Jeremiah 29:11

 

She is already her own shade of beautiful.

She has been blessed with such a beautful heart.  

Jesus has woven Himself through that heart, and through her soul... and I can't really ask for more than that. And so I rest in his plans... the ones for her future.  The future he has designed for her. 

 

No... she won't always be my little girl... but she will always be my girl.