May 23, 2011

it has all but begun...

Beautiful mail has been arriving in my mailbox. 
Beautiful mail, announcing a huge milestone.  And these lovely girls, celebrating the end of high school and their next steps out into the great wide world, are each just six months older than my girl, my Laura.  I stare in wonder, and I know that these cards means the end of the road for my denial.  Here we are, on the verge of Senior year, and I can no longer not think ab out it, no longer pretend it is not coming.  Especially when a senior photo was taken and chosen for the Class of 2012 yearbook this week.  Especially when she comes home chattering away that during the pep rally Friday the Seniors paraded out and the Juniors made their way over to the Senior seats in the gym.  Yes, this last year of high school is all but here.  Too few weeks of summer, and the end begins. 

I watch her and wonder if she is ready.  If I have done my job.  If I have provided her with the experiences and confidence and love that she will need to build her own life.  The neighbor raves on and on about how she has grown up... how speaking with her is like speaking to a grown up.  My eyes tell their own story, and yet she persists.  I don't quite see it for myself, but maybe I just won't allow it.  Her thin, blond, wispy hair floating around her wide-eyed little girl face is often all my heart can see.   She'll always be my little girl, won't she? 

If I'm honest, I know the answer is no.  And if I'm a little bit more honest, I know the answer is I don't want her to be.  I want her to be... herself.  I want her to grow beyond my dreams for her.  I want her to grasp the very part of this great wide world that God has chosen for her.  So when the worry inches in... I take that deep breath in ... and I remember these words and ask them to imprint themselves on my heart...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   -Jeremiah 29:11
She is already her own shade of beautiful.
She has been blessed with such a beautful heart.  
Jesus has woven Himself through that heart, and through her soul... and I can't really ask for more than that. And so I rest in his plans... the ones for her future.  The future he has designed for her. 
No... she won't always be my little girl... but she will always be my girl


Anonymous said...

And in another year or two, though you'll lose something, you're going to gain the beautiful joy of her friendship. And won't that be sweet? :)

Gabe said...

Oh, time goes so fast doesnt it?

We are not saying the words high school around here because we are in denial! I cant imagine saying senior year!

Kat said...

I'm just trying to deal with Fep turing 13 this summer. It's all wonderful and makes my heart hurt all at the same time.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Your sweet words went right to my heart and then they hit my 'tear' button.
sniff sniff.
She will always be YOUR girl...just not little. ;0

Michelle DeRusha said...

Oh Dawn, I can't quite imagine being where you are...but I know it will come soon enough. What a sweet post -- and yes, I know for a fact that you have done your job...and He continues His as well!

Cassie said...

Well, you did it again.This post has me crying. I miss my little girl so much. Now she is a beautiful 30year old with the living God as her saviour, so I can't complain...only miss her. I'm so happy that her husband usually lets her include Patrick & me in their vacation plans!

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