November 18, 2010

in pursuit

One peek at the calendar and I can feel the weight of not enough time on my soul.
Thanksgiving is next week?
With a sigh, I try to grasp hold of my bearings and realize that once again, my mind is headed in too many directions. Guiding one to finish his science project and making sure the other has everything she needs for her chorus performance at the downtown tree-lighting Monday… packing up shoeboxes, looking forward to the weekend and wondering how much we can pack in… and all the while, seeking the warmth of Thanksgiving and trying to prepare for Advent. I am in pursuit of that elusive Gold Star. The one that a Mama wants to display proudly on her forehead... and I can only feel the approaching Big Black X.
Oh, to be able to do it all with a smile!
I want it… not just for them, but for me. The me I always wanted to be,  thought I would be.  While I am thankful, and truly enamored, by the grace that covers all that I cannot… I choose to strive towards my visions of how things should be, knowing with everything in me ... that it is completely unnecessary. Perhaps because… I’m sure I could count the number of years all of our excited and sleepy eyes will meet before the holiday dawn… maybe on just one hand. I can feel this life as I know it slipping and sliding into the unknown.  I don't really dwell in it... but realizing how few days remain in this year has sent me into panic mode. 
With a deep breath, and yet another, I focus on what I can do... and what is truly important.  Looking up, I change my path... and my pursuit.  A wave of confidence rolls over me and I purposefully recognize my direction... full of right turns that will bring me around in a circle.  A circle around my Savior.  And with Him in the center... I can trust that the days are enough.
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3 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

This person that you envision who does it all with a smile, she is fictional.
You are real.
Do what you can....and try to smile at what YOU can get done. You have a great team besides you...and overseeing you. :)
xoxox

Richella said...

Do you know this old Shaker hymn?

'Tis a gift to be simple,
'Tis a gift to be free,
Tis a gift to come down
Where we ought to be.
And when we find ourselves
In the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley
Of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed;
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come 'round right.

You always come 'round right. Keep turning, sweet woman.

Corinne said...

Dawn, you are an amazing woman. That's all I can see when I come here. Just saying...