October 14, 2012

a messy, beautiful appointment


Long ago, close to the beginning of my faith journey, I was inspired by a speaker at a conference. She spoke about her appointment with the King. Written down. Same time, same place. An appointment to keep. I took it to heart... and yet, I have missed many appointment these past two weeks. But at last, after a Friday night sobbing in my mother's arms, I knew it was time. Yesterday was busy with little things of my own design, but I set a deadline for myself, after the promise of soon. Five o'clock.

The clock ticked on, and as the minute hand stretched to the top, my heart began to race. To Him. I arrived early to my appointment, and He was already there, waiting on me. I took pen and paper and began to write, lest I lose focus. Or courage.

I turned it all over.
Every burden, every tear, every bit of me that holds my heart in place. As always, He took that heart in His mighty hand, held me close, and reminded me that in this valley, He is carrying me.

Cast all of your burdens to the Lord. He will sustain you.  Psalm 55:22

This morning we set out for church... and it felt good, to know that all was right between us. Camden leafed through the bulletin and showed me that my favorite song {As the Deer}was listed... and I told him that I was sure I would cry, but that it was okay. He leaned into me, standing in his Daddy's place while Eric is out saving the world. What I didn't know, was that the tears that began with the refrain would flood my heart and soul during the entire hour {or so.}  But that is what happens to my raw edges after the armor has been lifted, when my whole heart and soul is exposed so that God can reach in and make it His.  My body shook as I held my hands, cupped, to receive communion...

I will be okay.
I know that He would not lead me down a path that doesn't end in okay... and that He will hold me as I walk and cry and grow. I cling to His promise, just as I cling to knowing that Ann is fully healed.

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My name...
When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything...
Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.
-Jesus Calling, Sarah Young
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3 comments:

Southern Gal said...

He was already there. Truth. Larnelle Harris' song "I Miss My Time With You" always makes me catch my breath. The God of the universe is waiting for me to spend time with Him.

I'm joyful that you were free to worship.

Richella said...

Oh, Dawn. You were early for your appointment but He was already there, waiting for you. I love the image that this forms in my mind, almost as much as the image of Cam standing strong beside you during morning worship.

People say, "He won't give you more than you can handle." Pooh. He won't give you more than HE can handle. That's a promise!

Love you, friend!

Busy Bee Suz said...

You will be more than okay....I just know it.
XOXO