May 09, 2010
mother's day 2010
Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. -Sophocles
The other day Elizabeth asked:
What do you wish someone had told you about being a mother?
i wish i had known... that no one expects me to be super-mom, except for me. and i wish i had listened and heard that lady in the supermarket... it goes by too fast, cherish it right now. i wish... someone had prepared me for how much i would hurt when my kids hurt. and that it is a wonderful journey if you relax and are not afraid to laugh, most times at yourself.
I wasn't practically prepared for being a mother. In fact, I never even packed that suitcase for the hospital. Both times it was a frenzy of shoving some stuff into a bag moments after my water broke. I had never changed a diaper... and I couldn't really remember holding many babies. Maybe just my sister. All I had was love and wonder in my heart... and it turns out, that was enough. Yes. There were things I wish I had known... but learning in the moment- out of necessity- has been quite a journey. Sometimes pretty... and sometimes not. I have yelled and wished I hadn't. I have cried for good reason, and for no reason at all. I have messed up... and apologized. And apologized some more. But in the mix of everyday life, between the downs, there have been so many moments of joy and beauty and down-right silliness. My own Mom scoffs at my memories of a beautiful childhood and doesn't feel like she deserves the pedestal I have placed her on... but in my heart, there she sits... and will always sit. Because there was never a shortage of love. I think she is the best Mom a girl could have... and I feel confident that my own kids will look back and feel the same way. Because like childbirth... the pain eventually fades. The memory of it lingers in a hazy fog, but what shines through is the beauty of holding that sweet tiny life in your arms for the very first time.
I have made mistakes... and I'm certain that there are more to come. But I will continue to stir in love and adventure and laughter, with a good measure of hope and faith. Not to cover up my errors... but because it is the only recipe I know. And it works for us. I look at these two kids and I see God's grace. Blending the parts of me with the beauty of Him. And they fill my heart in a way I never could imagine. They are... my something beautiful.
Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day... with lots of love,