Everywhere, in everything... I long to create beauty. In the mirror, across the table, with fabrics... with a paintbrush. I work over whatever it may be... until I am satisfied with the result. Or... until I just give up, throw in the towel. I am careful... and quick to toss out the creations I deem not-beautiful-enough.
Cam and I went painting... each of us concentrating on our own canvas. I only offered him one directional tip, and left the rest to him and his smile. I worked over my own piece longing for it to be... so beautiful... but I was stuck on the tree trunk. Wanting to go back and retrace my steps, I worked and worked at it... and finally decided I could be happy. And then? It was time to splatter paint. Camden leaped from his perch and was ready with brush in hand. I was still stuck on the splatter part. Splatter? Over all of this I had labored over? I set my painting aside and went to watch Camden... and oh, what a show! He danced around his canvas... sending karate chops of paint splattering across the sunset, across the trees, and he laughed the entire time. I was caught up in his gusto... what mother wouldn't get lost in her child's complete and utter joy?! Giving it one last glimpse he declared it was complete... and turned his eyes to mine.
I gave in, decided to give the splattering a try. Shoes abandoned, jeans rolled, brush loaded with water and paint... and I could barely flick that brush. I gritted my teeth and splayed out my arm, only to grab it back as quickly as it left my side. Again, and again. There was no joy to my dance... no gusto. And I wanted it. On my fourth or fifth trip around the canvas my movements became a bit looser, but with a single splatter my eye decided was too large and I was finished.
Paint dry, and I looked over my creation again. I saw it there... the beauty. In the sunset streaked sky and the wisps of the tall grass. And in the gold splattered across my giraffe's back. I was content but for the wondering... wondering what it would have felt like to splatter with gusto...
here is what you've been waiting for!