April 08, 2011

if you met me...

I hope you would see my smile first... and not the uncertainty behind it, the shyness, the I am not enough-ness.  And then, perhaps you would see my eyes.  There you would see my heart.  Open and friend-seeking... sparkling the smile of who I want to be.  There would be talking, and there would be laughter... and the laughter would tumble all that ugliness that catches in my breath and asks will she like me? into oblivion.  Sometimes I believe that laughter can cure all... add in a little (or a lot of) chocolate and we might just be able to save the world.

I am meeting an imaginary-but-very-real-friend this weekend... and we made a promise over the phone.  Not to be nervous.  I plan to keep my end of the bargain, because I know from her words and her heart that shines through them, that I already love her.  And I hope that she will do the same... because what is in my heart, and who I am... is all right there in the words.


10 comments:

Beth said...

Thank you for sharing so transparently. I think most of us feel that way when we first meet people. You have a beautiful way with words. I hope everything goes well with your friend!

togetherforgood said...

You are beautiful and I so wish I were the friend meeting you this weekend. :)

Southern Gal said...

You're speaking the struggles of many women in what you say here. The shyness, the not enough-ness. Ah. One day I hope to get over that uneasiness. I hope you have tons of fun!

gabe said...

good for you. . .I've wondered if I could do that. . .meet a bloggy friend. . .cause it would be weird. . .to not have the security of the screen and miles between us... you are brave!

Hope it goes well!

Sharone said...

I love this. I don't know if it's everyone's fear, or just mine (and yours), but when I read this I could feel the jump in my stomach of that first-time meeting.

I love your heart. :)

Amy said...

Dawn, I love your honesty! I think that if a woman who is not self-conscious (no matter how she appears to everyone else), there would have to be a special Smithsonian exhibit created for her. Because she would definitely be one-of-a-kind. I like to remind myself of this when I am looking at another woman who looks like she MUST have more together than me. Then I smile bigger and dive in. I know you'll have a wonderful time this weekend! Smiles -

Coloradolady said...

I can sure relate to this post. It is hard to not feel that way sometimes, but in the end, the ones that matter will stand by your side. Remember that. Have a blessed weekend.

Caroline said...

You had me nodding at every part here: "the I am not enough-ness. And then, perhaps you would see my eyes. There you would see my heart. Open and friend-seeking." I so get that.

Beautiful five minutes!

Kay said...

If I met you, I would smile and hug your neck! : ) I hope you enjoyed meeting your imaginary but very real friend!

I have met two bloggy peeps and was nervous both times, so I totally get you. I was always afraid I wasn't wearing the right thing or I'd say the wrong thing. But I'm thankful we're all friends now. : )

kelly said...

Hi Dawn! This is such a great honest post. Thanks for sharing it! I know just how you feel.
(Hey, I'm still waiting for you to email me back from long, long ago. :))