January 25, 2012

for me... and them

Saturday I took eight hours all for myself... and the world did not fall apart. Not the whole world, and not even my little corner of it. As I write that, I wonder when it even occured to me that that could be a possibility? But some days, I do feel it. That if I stepped out the door, or stepped away... life would begin to unravel. That is quite a lot of pressure on one small life. And the fact is, that pressure is all created by me.

I am quite blessed with a husband who wants to be by my side and share the weekend together. He will drop me off at Hobby Lobby while he does his own errands, and then browses with me for just-a-bit when I am not quite finished wandering. Most of the time, if I tell him I have lunch with the girls planned, he'll smile & nod and off I go. But then, there are those other times... the times when I see his face fall in disappointment, or he jokes that I'd rather go with the girls than spend the day with him, that keep me from even suggesting it. I want to please him. Him... and everyone else. I suppose I don't even have to say where that leaves me...

I kissed my two goodbye as they headed out for math and horses before the thought raced through my head that I would not see them between their activities and mine. Calling them back, for one more kiss, I let them know that I was going to work on our scrapbooks and that I might not see them before bed, and they both cheered about the scrapbooks, even saying how much they missed me doing it, and one even added in how much she loves them. And when I said goodbye to Eric hours later? He sent me off with a have fun, and followed up with an I love you text.

I was gone just over eight hours, and nothing fell apart, broke or even shifted. I'm not sure they even missed me. I had fun. And... I might even go back next month.



Southern Gal said...

I'm experiencing this right now. Things will go on without me. I have to find the balance. You encourage me with your scrapbooking. I must begin again.

Anonymous said...

Oh it sounds like so much fun! I miss paper scrapping. I gave it up for digital scrapping because I just don't have the space for it right now. But there is something about the paper in your hands-- holding the pictures-- all that-- that is special. :)

Wendi said...

Two comments in one week....a record for me these days when I barely have time to brush my teeth!
Just wanted to say that I could have written the first 2 paragraphs myself! You masterfully articulated EXACTLY how I feel most days! I'm really trying to find the time for myself here and there among the busy-ness of our lives because I KNOW that it makes me a better, happier wife, mother, and person. It's still hard, though...I feel guilty especially when all the thoughts of what I SHOULD be doing creep in. I think the only reason I even agreed to it the first time Bobbi asked me was because scrapbooking itself was on my to-do list, and so I would be accomplishing SOMEthing. That was probably 2 years ago, and as you saw Saturday, I've become less concerned with getting something done and really just try to enjoy some time "being selfish" and doing (or NOT doing) whatever I want for a few hours....though I REALLY do need to work on those scrapbooks (wink wink)! Hope to see you again next month! Oh, and talk about real indulgence...Camp Crop-a-lot includes a hotel stay and buffet breakfasts and lunches (all the while being close enough to drive home as needed!). I REALLY had to struggle to give myself permission to do that one year (did I mention that the money also makes me feel guilty?) Trying to let go of the guilt this year...and every year! :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am SO happy for you. I know you have missed this time and perhaps getting 'caught' up...well, you know as caught up as you can get in eight short hours!

jenn said...

Oh, I'm glad you scrapped...its good for the soul! I haven't really scrapped since....last year...:-(

its always hard to balance the needs of so many others and take time for yourself...good for you for doing it!!

Anonymous said...

I think everybody, especially mothers, need a littel time to themselves once in awhile.

I played bunco with the neighorhood ladies last night - it was wonderful!

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