June 14, 2008

daughter of three

It is tradition, at a wedding, that the father gives the bride away... I suppose it is a tradition that is waning, and even traditional me, didn't follow through with the custom. It was too hard... to make the choice. Well, not to make the choice, but to live with the knowledge that I made the wrong choice... or made the right choice and hurt feelings. All in all, my choice to have my Mom walk me down the aisle was the right choice... the most fitting. Because I am a daughter of three. Yes, three fathers.

My Heavenly Father has loved me always... and will love me into eternity. Of this, I am sure... He has been with me every step of the way... even when I did not know Him like I know Him today. I am so thankful for His love and His mercy- His love is perfect... and He has carried me through many a teary night...

My Dad loves me... I know he does. Do I feel his love? No. Do I see it in my life? No. But I know he does, in his own way... and I have come to accept it. When I think back to memories of me & my Dad, the most vivid picture is from when I was 10... and he woke me up early to say goodbye. Goodbye family... goodbye old life... goodbye. Parents tell us that divorce has nothing to do with they way they love us, the children... but is it true? The choices my Dad made told me a lot about how much he loved our family... not quite enough, I guess. I do have a few happy memories tucked away... playing with my dollhouse, and peeking through the window to see him peeking in the other side... going to the zoo and to the fair... being in the "shop" with him, the sweet smell of sawdust all around us... selling him thin mints- by the cookie, not the box. Yes, there are a few good memories... I will send a Father's Day card. Because when he walked out, another door opened...

Bob loves me, too... He's my step-father, but he's more than a girl could ever wish for in a Dad... he's the man who married my Mom, and showed me how good a marriage could be... how the pieces can be picked us and sorted back into a reality worth holding on to. I know without a doubt that my life would be so very different if Bob had not come into our lives. He loved my Mom, and Tina & me... just loved us... and showed us a side of live we never knew. The side of life that seemed out of reach. There was always laughter... fun... just plain silliness. He showed me what a father could be... and I am always so thankful. He brought us to our first circus... took us to the top of Mount Washington... showed us Quincy Market... made up stories about Wilbur... ran up and down the street pushing a garden cart full of giggling girls. I do believe that Bob is a miracle in our life... a man who gives and laughs and works and loves. His loves never stops...

Tomorrow is Father's Day... and I am thankful for the Fathers in my life... their love has shaped me... made me who I am- whether by example or lesson learned. Their love has given me the tools to choose a path for my life... a path laid out by Father God... a path He set out before I was even born. He helped me get here... He helped me find my way. How important is a Father's love? It is everything.

2 comments:

Suzanne said...

Such a lovely post. You are so good with words girl!!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

This is really lovely. I'm very happy your Mom found a good man with Bob. And that you and your sister were able to witness, first hand, what a good marriage "looks like". I worry so much about kids who only see strife (or worse, physical violence) at home and grow up thinking that is normal.

Hope you and your family had a great Father's Day - sounds like your husband is an awesome guy from everything I've read!