August 22, 2008

because i am me

It is out of character for me to need to have that Mommy moment, as I did, sending my children off to school this year. For me, those moments just come at different times... smaller situations... and of course, we are all entitled to moments such as those. But I have been dwelling on it! As I have been trying to wrap my head around my heart, this is what I have come up with.
1. It was a big day. It was a brand new situation... one I had been anticipating with much glee, for both Laura and Cam. So, of course, something that I have placed such importance on would effect me in an important way.
2. It was a first for me... dropping them both off and driving away to work. For so many years I have been so close to the school (or in it!) and the focus has been on what would be going on in school after the kids headed off.
3. This is the biggest one, I think. Since beginning this blog, my emotions have run closer to the surface... just itching to get out. But that is only part of it, because I think, at the same time, my emotions are running much deeper into my heart. Through writing, I am able to recognize these feeling and actually experience them in a new way... in a new light. It may make me softer in a way... but maybe stronger at the same time.
I have decided that these are not excuses... because who would want to excuse such tender tuggings at heartstrings... they are just justifications to myself. And, because I am me, I feel the need to justify everything...

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